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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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Customer Question

mY BOYFRIEND DOES NOT WANT HIS MOTHER TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE A CHILD AND THE BABY IS ALMOST THREE YEARS OLD. hE KEEPS GIVING ME EXCUSES AND I'm sick of the excuses he treaten to leave me if I told his mother about the child what should I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-What are his reasons for not tell his mother about his child?


-How long have you been dating each other?


-Does his mother know about him dating you?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I'm 35 and he is 40. I don't know if he told her . We've been dating for morethan 10yrs. He give me excuse like she is dirty and talks down to him
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


If he says that his mother is dirty and isn't nice to him he is probably afraid she will be the same way to your child together and he may not want her around the child at all. It sounds like he had a bad experience with his mom growing up and doesn't want her to affect his child. What I would do is take his word about his mother and respect that he doesn't want her to have anything to do with his child, as long as he isn't ashamed of you and the child there has to be some underlying reason he doesn't want his mother to know. I don't think that he is ashamed of you or the child I just don't think he thinks too highly of his mother and this is why he doesn't want his mother around. If it bothers you then you need to communicate that to him and tell him that you feel he is ashamed of you. Ten years is a long time to be dating and not meet his mother which makes me think even more that they have a very estranged relationship. If she can not treat her own son good what makes him think she will be good to you or his child, I really think he is trying to protect you both from something and you may only get your answer if you can find out what that something is. Maybe try asking another family member that you do talk to or someone that knew him growing up and find out what their relationship was like.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


That being the case you need tell him that you feel that he is ashamed of you and his child, he at least owes you an explanation about why he doesn't want his family to know about your baby together. It seems strange that he is so secretive with his family about you and the baby. The child is almost 3 years old now you would think that someone has heard a child in the background when they call unless he doesn't talk to his family and if that is the case that could be the reason for him not introducing his child to his family. If I were you I would do some extensive research of his family life growing up and try to find out why he behaves the way that he does concerning you and the child.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I only know his mother and brother. He say his moter keep te house dirty and talks dowm to him which he does not want our child to see. I work at night and we do not live together. He watches the baby at night when I go to work which I do three days a week and if he does not have to watch the baby he does not come around. He also refused to sign the child's birth certificate and take pictures with him. The excuse he gave me for this is because I told him to sign the birth certificate and was afraid that I will show the picture to people and his mother would get to know. I just graduated from college and I want to put my life together. I feel I 'm being lied to and just want his family to know that our son exist. He said he will take the baby to his mother when he is ready. He is afraid to be seen with the child in our area. When we go out is out of town never in the area. He did not spend the holiday with us. I graduated this gone Dec. He did not want to attend my graduation I had to fuss with him about this and up until now he has not congratulated me. He watched the baby while I went to school so I thought he would be happy because when I got out of school we would put our family to. He has been so negative I don't know what to do. He is telling me that's because I'm out of school now I feel that I'm better and I ask him why is he saying this and he wouldn't give me an explanation. I was so excited about being out of school and putting our family together. I just want us to be together and raise our son.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


If he doesn't put your needs first instead of what he wants then maybe you should rethink staying with him until he can stop acting as if he is ashamed of you and your child together. You may have to give him an ultimatum either he tells his family and friends about you and the baby or you will be gone and you are not come back, if you allow him to continue on like this he may never tell his family and friends because he will think that you decided to just forget about it and accept things like they are you need to let him know that isn't the case at all. You've realized that what the two of you have has not been solidified because no one knows about you or the child you have together. You now have to ask yourself "Do you continue things the way they are, talk to him about the future of this "friendship", or leave him behind and start the search again?" You need to make it clear to him and yourself that you are not going to be committed to someone that isn't ready for a relationship with you and isn't willing to tell everyone that he is dating you and has a child with you.


Too many times we give a man the pleasures of a relationship and feel ashamed, angry, and hurt because he doesn't want to give us the security of a commitment. Know your worth! Know that you are worthy of a commitment and not to be kept as a dirty little secret. If not with the man you thought, then with someone who has the same commitment goal you have and who will treat you better than you have been treated both you and your children deserve better than that.