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My fiancee and I have been seeing each other for 8 years. We

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have a good relationship. He...
My fiancee and I have been seeing each other for 8 years. We have a good relationship. He is thoughtful and puts my interest on the top. He tells me he loves me and want's "to be with me." This phrase really gets me upset, because I want him to tell me he wants to marry me, but often times he will say this phrase instead. We seldom get into a fight. However, if I do make a comment, no matter how nicely put, he takes it as a criticism. And instead of resolving the problem he will just rush to go home to his own house. I never heard him open up about his plans for our married life and future children. We only see each other once or twice a week, but we talk on the phone several times a day. I tried to break off the relationship a few time but he just refused to give up and I, too, love him too much. We are engaged, but he did not outright proposed to me. I sort of backed him in a corner to set the date. Does he really want to be with me...married?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 13 minutes by:
1/12/2009
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Why do you only see each other a couples of times a week?

 

-Will this be first marriage for both?


Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
He is 50, I am 36. We see each other on weekends mostly. Yes, this is the first marriage for both of us. Thanks for taking the time.
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
We only see each other twice a week mostly because of our jobs and he lives 1 hour from my place. He work day shift while I work nights.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 8 years ago

Olive grin,

 

I hate say this but not every man is in a rush to get down on bended knee to pop "the" question. Some men are more than content to continue dating forever. Your fiance' is 50 years old and never been married so that tells me he isn't into the whole idea of marriage and children, it could be partly because of his age and him being set in his ways and content with the way his life is. If you're tired of waiting for him to decide when or if you two should get married, there are things you can do to encourage him to get more serious. They say if a man is over 30 years old and hasn't even contemplated marriage then it's more than likely he will never be ready to take that major step in his life. You have to communicate your feelings to him and ask him to honestly tell you where he see things going in the future. He may have given you a ring because he felt obligated to give you one because you were complaining about it and that is never a good way to get engaged out of obligation he should have wanted to give you the ring on his own.

 

How relevant is the subject of marriage in your relationship right now? Is it more important to you then him, has he ever talked about marriage? If the answer is no to the last question then it's more than likely he doesn't want to get married and if that is the case then you have to decide if you are willing to wait for him to be ready and possibly wait another 8 years? If he knows you are sitting anxiously waiting for a him to set a date, he's going to be slow to do so. He knows that he has you already all to himself, so why worry about marriage. If you want to get him to commit to marriage, you may have to drop all marriage talk for a while. You may also have to start focusing more on you as an individual instead of the two you as a couple. Start doing things alone that you two normally would do together. This includes an evening out with friends or perhaps even a vacation. You want him to sense that you're exploring things solo now instead of with him. He'll notice you pulling away and it will make him wonder what's gotten into you or who you are thinking about. If he loves you and wants you in his life for the rest of your lives he will starts to see you living your life separately from him, it will make him want a more serious commitment.

 

You have been with him for 8 years and it can be not only disappointing but frustrating as well that you have tried everything to get him to marry you and yet he still says nothing about marriage or children. Then you have to decide of you want the relationship to continue go on this way, you are 36 years old and your biological clock it ticking and if he isn't into having children let alone getting married then you have to make a decision as to whether this relationship is the one for you, no matter how upsetting breaking up may seem to you if he isn't giving you what you need and want that may have to be an option for you now. It seems he wants totally different things than you and the fact that you hardly see each other is another factor you work different shifts and will hardly see each other when you are married. These are all factors in the decision and it's time for you to decide when enough is enough.

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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