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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I brought a youger man into my home before my divorce was final.

Customer Question

I brought a youger man into my home before my divorce was final. I caused the divorce, didn't want it or have any reason to end a good, solid 23 year marrige.   I know it was a bad decision to have made - I was in a state of shock over what I'd caused. This young man was in and out of my home many times by my requst. He kept coming back. He was finally out of my home and on his own. With his persitance, he cam back. We bought a place together using my money and his (bad) credit. Result: This home will be up for foreclosure auction next week.   I'm about to be put out on the street with no money.    ? - Why has it been so hard for me to let go of this destrctive factor/man? I don't feel I love him. He's never been any help to. He's not handsome or overly intellegent..I just keep listening to him!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Where did you meet him?

What is his age?

How did your husband feel about it?

Are you intimate with this man?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I met this young man at work. I did not know him, I would go to luncn, he would come join me, I'd listen to his boo hoo stories about his divorce. I felt sorry for him. He is 38, I'm 54.

I was newly divorced, (the divorce was't even final at that time), I was alone for the first time in about 25 years and I was scared. I had purchased a new home, (another part of this story...I bouht it for my father - that's what led to the divorce). I said something to this young man that I needed some help with maintaining my home he said he'd help with that. So, in the door he came.

My husband tried many times to get me to come home - I said no, I'd wait for dad. So, I waited and had reasons why he wouldn't move (just yet). He jokingly said to me, "Oh, you got yourself a "boy toy". Didn't ask him to clarify what that was but I was having fun. I love my ex deeply and regret that I left him in anger over dad,

Three months of fun with this young man came to me throwing him out in anger of his do nothing, no help ways. I'd forget why he was gone and back he came....this repeated over and over.(Oh, he also brought his visitaton with his 7 year old daugter into my life - I'm chldless by choice.) I just lost my home because of my listening to him!

What a mess I've made of the best life I could ever have had!

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Do you want to try and patch things with your ex husband?

Do you have this young man out of your life now?

What is your question/s for me?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

No, this young destruction is here! Bought this house - I paid the (large) down payment and paid for all the repairs, he was going to pay the mortgage. Letters came from the mortgage company - I didn't open his mail but started getting suspicious when they started comiig 2 a day, I opened one - surprise! - your mortgage is in dafault. New Years Eve, I found a letter taped to the garage door window...your home is going to foreclosure auction January 16, 2009!! This young man is living here for mortgage payment, no utilities payment, no food payments...because his name is XXXXX XXXXX mortgage and mine is not (we're both on the deed). I need him out of my life!!!


My divorce was in 2002. My ex got remarried in 2008.


My question - Do you know anyone who could float this fool $70,000 so I can reclaim this home and throw this young man's ass out for th last time?


Oh -Dad is living here now - he just turned 94, So, the 2 of us, (Dad and ne) are about to be put out on the street. By the way, I'm also visually impaired (blind in right eye and losing sight in left). Can't get Social Security disability because I'm not blind enough!


Isn't this a great life for a 54-year-old college educated woman with smarts to end up in?


What are you doing awake at 3 a.m.? I haven't slept well in months!



Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
I have trouble sleeping as well, I've been like that for a long time. Life's worries I suppose. However, it sounds like you are having some serious problems. I certainly don't know anyone who could lend that type of money and so sad that you didn't find out sooner that this was happening. You can't beat yourself up too much over it, you can only recognize the mistakes you've made and try not to repeat them. Obviously there's no question that this young man has to go. I know it can be seductive and fun to be with him, but he's basically trashed your life. At this point, you may need to get an apartment that you can afford, maybe a small two bedroom, and recuperate from this magnificent loss.

If you need info on bankruptcy or if you need legal advice, we have people here that can talk to you, but it looks like you don't have much time left. I think it's sad that he took advantage of you like this, but imagine if you kick him out, he'll move on and do the same thing to someone else....if he stays with you, he's not going to stop draining you. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, and he's basically shown you what he's capable of.

You're still a smart woman, who just let her heart get the best of her, and although things seem really bad right now, you have to take all of those smarts and see a way out of this, and to get back on your feet, not just for yourself, but for your dad too. Things may be tight for a while, but it's time to plan, and put that plan in action. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thank you for talking to me. I don't know which way to turn - all I do is cry! I guess you re-enforced what I already knew. Just wanted an outsiders opinion as to whether I was seeing it right. He can continue to calll me a bitch all he wants...I know the truth and I know how my attitude became that.


Thank you,





Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I was goiing to pay but the charge card that's on record is maxed do I change that?

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