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I am a 24 yr old mother of two children, ages 6 and 2. My 6

year old has developmental disabilities...
I am a 24 yr old mother of two children, ages 6 and 2. My 6 year old has developmental disabilities and has a mentality of a 4 year old. I'm living with my boyf of 6 months in my 3 bedroom apt. (We went out 8 years ago in high school for a month and remained email friends thru-out the 8 years). He's not motivated, works at a grocery store, has two children of his own (ages 8 and 2) - his 8 yr old has had lice for the last year. I need help financially paying our $1300 rent. No, that's a lie. I can pay our rent and most of the bills (I have no extra's - no cable, no phone, etc) on my own but it's much easier when he's giving me his $600 month. I want to know if this relationship is worth staying in? Idon't know if I love him.. sometimes I think I might... but between the drama from his kids' mothers, and me struggling to pay the bills and rent and try to take care of my own kids... I just don't know anymore. Please help me. I have no family members to get advice from.
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
1/8/2009
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Hi j23castle. Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Does his children live with you or their mothers?

 

-Have you talked to him about this?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I just turned 24 in October. He is turning 27 in April.

His 2 yr old son is dropped off when ever his mother wants to go out drinking and needs childcare (which is atleast 4 times a week).

His 8 yr old daughter comes over on Friday and leaves Sunday night. Since her head lice never goes away because her mother is irresponsible... I transformed my kids playroom to be half-playroom, half her room so she doesn't infect my sons.

I have tried talking. He just ups and leaves me for 2 weeks and than after that time span he comes back, apologizes, and everything continues as if he never left.

I work 40 hours a week, have 2 kids (one of which has a disability), I have no family therefore I am all alone in this world. I just want to be happy. My co-workers tell me that I am a sucker for staying with this guy. When he does leave us, I make the rent on my own. But it's tight. If something goes wrong with my vehicle, or my kids get sick and I have to miss a day from work, I'll be (pardon the verbiage) screwed. I don't know what to do.

J23castle,

 

Thank you for your reply and I ask that you be patient while I type my answer to your questions. Thank you in advnace for your patience.

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J23castle,

 

I think your co-workers are right you should leave him if he isn't making you happy then you have to find someone that will. It doesn't seem like he is able to communicate without running and leaving you for a period of time and then comes back as if nothing ever happened you need someone that is going to stay with you through the bad and good times and doesn't always run. The fact that his daughter continues to put your son in jeopardy because of the lice and it doesn't seem as if he does anything to help the situation and make it better. He should make her mother be more responsible about getting rid of the lice or call Child Protective Service for neglect that is a form a child neglect to knowingly ignore they have lice and not do everything in her power to get rid of the lice. Although he helps you financially some what I would rather struggle and be alone than to have to put up with everything you go through with him, especially with his children's mothers.

 

It may be important to find an apartment that you can actually afford so that you can make the rent and have extra money left over, you don't have to stay stuck where you are. If you have a friend you could stay with until you can save the money or have a friend move in with you to help out it would be better than staying in a relationship you are not sure you want to be in, it may at times seem hard to make it alone because there are many single parents making it just fine it was a struggle at first but it got better and the same goes for you. You are going to have to budget your money more if you decide to go it alone but it would be less stressful and this way you can get back out in the dating scene and find someone that will be supportive and who knows how to communicate without running. It's going to be a scary thought but once it is done you will see the difference in your life without all of the added stresses. Just because your relationship might be is over doesn't mean your life is over. Decide what you want your future to look like and then stay focused on it, not the past. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to, let go of what was and look forward to what can be.

KimberlyF
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