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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4643
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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5 years ago when we first got a home coputer, i found my husband

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5 years ago when we first got a home coputer, i found my husband on a porn site, that displayed women with male genatalia. he told me that some guys at work had found it and told him to look at it as a joke. i recently came home from work and found the computer left on, and found the same type of pictures. what type of person would be interested in this? is my husband gay? confused? and do i need to be concerned of a bigger issue?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.

Hi there,


Welcome to just answer !


Well your concern is quite justifiable, but you need to handle this issue very calmly and subtly , as if in the end it just comes out to be a joke shared between him and his colleagues , you not will loose face in front of your husband but his trust may also get jolted . So, before you confront your husband about the whole issue , you need to do some waiting , at the same time try to observe his actions towards other men.


By the way since how long have you been married & how has been your marital life so far?


Besides these two incidents , has there been other incidents where you felt that your husband is gay or that his sexual orientation is different from what is expected ?


Customer: replied 8 years ago.

weve been together 18 years. ive never noticed anything unusual about him and other men. i am a hairdresser and have been around gay men













we have been married for 13 years and have been together for 18. i have never noticed anything unusual about his interactions with other men, nor in any other aspect of a sexual nature. my concerne is, i could have believed the joke thing, but here we are 5 years later and i found it again.


Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 8 years ago.

Thanks for the reply.


I cannot agree more with your concern , but as i said earlier, this incident can be a mere joke of sorts or shear curiosity or can be a sexual fixation that your husband may be harbouring for years and the fact that you noticed it after 5 years , makes it more against him being gay.


Also , by your own admission , he has never shown the typical traits and there has been nothing unusual about his interactions with men, all these years. And i am sure you would have noticed something more about his sexual orientation , had that been the case , since you have been married for quite a long time.


But having said that, i would suggest you to talk to him about the whole incident ,in a very calm and friendly way, without drawing any hasty conclusions or making direct allegations, as this may be detrimental for your relationships.Try to make the conversation casual, try to sound as if you are just being curious about him seeing that website, and choose a time to strike such conversation when he is in a good mood and you two are alone as it can be embarrassing for both of you if such conversation is leaked.


At this moment , i would not advise you to seek help of a counsellor as your husband deserves a fair trial in the form of a private, direct and understanding conversation. Depending on the outcome of your meeting , then you may decide on seeking professional help. But i hope that option never arises and your doubts are met with strict No to your question, which i believe what you desperately want to hear.


I wish you all the best .


I hope my answer serves your query according to your satisfaction.


Regards....Dr. Kaushik

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