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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21421
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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There is a woman I used to work with that I always found attractive.

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There is a woman I used to work with that I always found attractive. I would'nt go as far as saying I have a "crush" on her, but I always liked her and we always got along.I always followed the policy of never mixing business with pleasure in the workplace. This particular woman has since transferred to another department, but we still keep in touch. I don't know if she is in a relationship or not. I would like to ask her if she would be interested in getting together someday after work, but what I'm afraid of is that if she declines, I don't want to jeopardize the friendship we have. What is my best course of action? I was never one to be a "lady's man", and I don't date that much. Any help would be great.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 8 years ago.

It might be a good idea to ask someone she's friendly with at work, what her situation is, re: if she's in a relationship. If you'd rather not involve anyone else in your business, then all you can do is ask her if she'd like to get together one day after work, and see how she reacts. If she IS in a relationship, she might say 'no', if she thinks it's a 'date', which is what you have in mind; however, she might think it's just a friendly gesture, and accept your invitation. Once you get to know her better, she'll most likely mention a 'boyfriend', if she's involved with someone, and then you'll know for sure.

Keep it very 'friendly', and take her somewhere 'not romantic', so if she is involved with someone, it's just a 'friendly' after work drink or snack, dinner, etc. If you find out she's free to date, you can ask her out again, to a more appropriate 'date' place, the next time. If there's any type of new place near work, a restaurant, a bar, a fun place, like an arcade, etc., say: "I heard *blah blah place* just opened; would you like to go with me one day after work, to see what it's like?" That's just an example, you can fit it to your situation.

You don't have to be a 'lady's man', as long as you're honest, make her feel at ease by just being yourself, talk easily, and are friendly, as you have been in the past, with her.

The worst that can happen is that you ask her to do something one day after work, and she declines. It doesn't have to make things feel awkward. She may say no for various reasons, but just continue to be friendly when you see her, and continue to keep in touch. If you find she's communicating less after that, play it by ear, but don't ask her why she's writing less. Just take it at it's face value, and move on.

I hope things work out for you!

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