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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1704
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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my girlfriend broke up with me because I moved from california

Customer Question

my girlfriend broke up with me because I moved from california to texas for a job. i recently got laid off at my job in texas, should I move back to california to try and patch things up?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

How long were you together?

What are your ages?

Was it supposed to be a permanant jop?

How long have you been in Texas?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
We were together about 2 years (anniversary 1/5). We had been living together for about a year before I moved. I am 28 and she is 22. The job move was short term, I was expecting to be there about a year and then move back to California. I have been there 6 months and just got laid off. I was already looking at moving back to California to fix the relationship as she didn't like long distance and was upset at me for moving in the first place. Although I only took the job offer in texas after discussing it with her and agreeing we could make it work. I would like to move back to San Francisco, but the job market is pretty bad. It might be easier to find work in Texas, but I'd be happier in San Francisco.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

I apologize for following up so late, I didn't get notification of your response. I had a couple more questions. Why didn't she move with you?

If she agreed to it, why did she get upset?

Would she consider moving with you?

Does she want to get married? do you?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
She is still in school and had two semesters left to finish.

I guess long distance was harder than she thought. It was harder than I thought too. I would get worried if she didn't return my calls or we didn't talk regularly. I was concerned that she was making new guy friends to try and replace me. It was hard because I moved to a city where I didn't know anyone and she already had lots of friends.

She initially thought of moving after she graduated. Then decided there weren't any job options for her in dallas. We had both talked about moving to chicago when she graduated or maybe new york.

She talked about getting married and asked why I hadn't asked her yet. I didn't think it was the right time and we're at different places in our lives. I wanted her to finish school and start working first. I thought she was/is too young to get married and commit her life to someone when she's still figuring out what she wants. As for myself I'm may need to move around for my career in the next couple years, also I still find myself interested in other women. I'd been completely faithful and honest to her but I didn't feel all my needs were being met.

I am still strongly considering moving back to san francisco. But in terms of the relationship... the romantic in me would like for us to get back together, but honestly I think I'd only do it if it happened naturally and was more initiated by her. I can't see it coming together with me executing some grand gesture. After all she did hurt me when we broke up. In a way she left me when I needed her most.