No problem Liz, you're welcome.
I personally don't see anything wrong with meeting someone online, but you have to go about it the right way. You might also consider asking friends to introduce you to nice men they know that might be single. There may also be single events in your area that you can go to that don't involve drinking. If there's nothing in your area like that, then you might want to consider starting a singles organization in your area, that does events like a wine tasting, art show or some type of music event. You may only get a few people involved at first but as time goes on it will grow, you can help others find mates and possibly yourself.
As for meeting people online, I've found that you have to follow a formula, and I'll give you an idea of what I mean.
First, take a piece of paper and write down all of the things you would like in a man, and then write down all of the things you don't want in a man. Keeping in mind that no man will be perfect or meet everything you have on your list, you can include your list of don'ts in your online profile. Something like
NOT looking for; married men, separated men, men looking for just a physical relationship, heavy drinkers, drug users. If I find you have any of these issues I will terminate communication completely.
It's just as important for a man to know what you are NOT looking for, as it is for them to know what you are looking for. Some men might email you and say, "you're too picky" or "how dare you be so picky" and you can just delete those emails.
If you have an online profile, be sure to include face pics and body pics. Do not respond to anyones ad, only respond to the men who respond to your ad. If they don't have a pic, don't talk to them until they send you one. In fact, put that in your ad "please do not email me unless you have or include a picture"
Once you see their picture, decide right then and there if you want to talk to them or not. If not you can either delete their email, or send them a not and say thank you but I'm not interested. Sometimes if you send them a note it just makes things worse, so I would just delete.
If you do see a pic of a guy who has contacted you and you want to talk to him more, then email him back but keep it short and sweet. "Hi thanks for the email, blah blah, tell me more about yourself" and then ask a couple of questions. You will be able to tell a lot about him by the way he writes, does he talk about himself? ask about you? can he put a sentence together? is he interesting to you?
If more than one guy emails you, don't feel bad about talking to more than one, as you are looking for the right guy and you are not committing to anyone at this point. (you might have to keep a log or notebook, or save emails so that you can keep up with individual nuances.
At any point you can delete anyone based on your original list. If you put on your list that you don't want a guy who is depressed or angry and you find that all this guy talks about is how much he hates his ex, send him a note letting him know its not working for you and delete him from your list. Again, delete anyone at any time, don't hold on to ones you know in your heart are no good, stay true to your list. Re-evaluate each person every couple of weeks and truly ask yourself if that person meets what you want and need, if not, delete them.
After 2-6 weeks you can make a decision to talk on the phone. IF you find that the conversation is good, he's respectful, tactful, nice, etc. When you talk on the phone with him, be sure to always be the first to get off the phone. Don't get attached just because the conversations are great. Take the time to find out what he has in life, what he wants out of life and his future. If it doesn't match what you want, then you have to consider deleting him, regardless of how nice he may be. Opposites do attract, but sometimes its not worth all of the aggravation. The older you get, the more you need someone who has things in common with you, not opposite things.
Talk on the phone for two weeks or more (preferably more) like six weeks. This added to the emails, gives you a pretty good idea of who your dealing with. If he's patient, he wont push you to meet, talk about sex or be a jerk about waiting. You'll learn a lot about him, and if after two to three months and you haven't deleted him, then it may be time to meet. When you meet, you'll want to meet in a public place for lunch. Lunch allows you to meet during the day and you can always end the lunch by saying you have a meeting (or having a friend call you in the middle to see if you need an alibi to leave). Once you meet, thats when you will know if there is 'chemistry'. You can't ever tell if there is true chemistry on the phone or the computer, this is something you can only know once you meet in person and can actually smell them (this is called pheromones) and cannot be faked, bought or denied. :)
If you stick to your original list, don't allow yourself to feel bad about deleting people who don't meet your needs, and keep an open mind, you will definitely meet someone eventually. I met my fiance online 7 yrs ago, using the same protocol. I deleted many guys before I finally met him. Some never made it past the emails, some got deleted after phone calls, and only a few made it to the dating stage and were subsequently deleted. It may sound like a science and in a way it is, but when you know what you want, you can get what you want, and you have to believe that with all of your heart.
I'm always here if you want to talk more.
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you