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should i forgive a boyfriend that cheated and negleted me when

Customer Question
i was pregnant a month...
should i forgive a boyfriend that cheated and negleted me when i was pregnant a month ago?
Submitted: 9 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
12/17/2008
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 9 years ago
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Verified
How long have you been with him?

Are you still pregnant?

Are you still together?

What are your ages?

Why did he cheat? How did you find out?

Is this the first time he cheated?

Chase
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Customer reply replied 9 years ago
hi, ive been with him for one year now, i got pregnant 2 months after i met him, i just gave birth on 11 03 08 we are together now we just moved in together hes 22 and im 28 i found out he was cheating when i saw some pictures on my space i beleive he cheated throughout my whole pregnancy
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer

 

MsChase asked me to take over your question. Can I ask you some more questions:

 

-Do you have concrete proof that he did cheat?

 

-Did he stop seeing the other woman?

 

-Are you truly ready to forgive him?

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago
yes i have prove i have seen text messages and pictures, from what i beleive he stopped but i dont beleive him, sometimes i feel i want to forgive him but most of the time i dont want to be with him.
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
hi i want to know how long my answer is gonna take
Customer reply replied 9 years ago

we have been together for one year i got pregant 2 months after i met him, hes 22 im 28 we just moved in together, i beleive he cheated throughout my whole pregnancy..i found out through some pictures and text mesages he denies having sex with any other person besides me,

 

i dont think is the fist time.. he says he stopped but i dnt beleive him...

 

please i need an answer im reallly despred!!!!

Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
Customer

 

If you think he has been unfaithful and you have proof that he has been then it's your decision whether to stay with him or not and if you decide to stay with him then you have to find a way to forget about his past indiscretions and trust him again. That isn't going to be easy at all because he has done this to you more than once so he hasn't really shown you that he can be trusted even if you stay with him and decide to make your relationship work there is always going to be a trust issue where you are wondering if he is or will ever cheat on you again. A relationship without trust is not a relationship and you cannot be the only one working to make the relationship work. If he is willing to cheat on you at your most vulnerable time (pregnancy) then it is going to be very hard to get that trust back and I could understand if it were a one time thing but it has happened many times.

 

If you are angry, confused, sad, and feel like your whole world came crashing down let him know how you are feeling. It's natural to have these feelings. Take some time to work through your feelings and then decide what you want from your relationship. If you decide to stay together, you both will need to realize that it will take hard work and patience before things are better. Rebuilding trust after an infidelity can be a long and difficult road but it can also be so rewarding to know that you have overcome one of the most challenging obstacles. He needs to be honest and understanding that it will take some time for you to get over what he has done and if you do not decide to stay together you both have to make up your minds to be cordial toward each other for the sake of the child and know that you both can be hands on for the child and not be together.

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago

this answer is so very logical but, now he says that i should put it all in the past and move on, at first i was willing to do it for the sake of the baby but he doesnt even help me with the baby. he has never helped me financially and the apartment that i got it was all me he did not contribte with much and its under my name.

 

im really hurt and confused i dont think i can put this behind... and he seems to have no patience with me...

Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
Customer

 

In order for a relationship to work especially after your mate has cheated, then your mate has to show that he is truly sorry for what happened and that it won't happen again. He is suppose to be trying to get your trust back and proving to you that he is worthy of having that trust back and the fact that he neglected you in your most vulnerable time while you were carrying his child shows you that he isn't very trustworthy, trust must be there to make it successful, and even after the baby he still continues to take you for granted and not help you out. If the trust in your relationship isn't there, chances are that the relationship will suffer in the long run. If you are constantly questioning or worry about your relationship, then you have no trust in your partner. If you trust in them, then you know that they have your best interests at heart just as you do for them but your boyfriend just doesn't show that and he seems very selfish and a bit uncaring.

 

If you are in a relationship where you have given trust and that trust has been abused, then you are in a failing relationship. Unless you commit to trusting each other 100%, you will not succeed in your relationship. And, in the end, if that trust is getting abused and taken advantage of, then, you shouldn't be in that relationship. If you've given so much more in your relationship and still your partner gives nothing in the relationship then why stay and put yourself through that misery any longer? Yes when you decide to forgive someone and try to fix the relationship you should try to get past the past but that is only when the cheating mate shows that he is remorseful for what he did and your boyfriend just isn't doing that. You have two alternatives; first being to stay in a relationship where you are not happy and there is no trust and hope that the relationship somehow fixes itself or end the relationship. It is hard to end a relationship especially when you have a child involved. That does not mean that it is not the best thing to do, for everyone concerned. If you are in a state of constant bickering or outright fighting, unhappiness and depression, you are not being noble by staying in your relationship. You are harming yourself emotionally because you are doing everything and he still isn't showing you that he is responsible and trustworthy.

 

You have teach your child what a good relationship is, you are cheating yourself out of a rewarding life and you are enabling him to continue to not support you or his child, if he isn't giving you money to help with the baby then you have no other choice but to make him pay for his responsibilities through the court. You can still allow him to see his child if the two of you aren't together but you have to want better for yourself.

KimberlyF
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