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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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This question is for Chase Hi.. When showing the pre-nup to

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This question is for Chase: Hi.. When showing the pre-nup to the husband to be, is it necessary to show him our daughter's worth or keep that private. My husband included it and I said that the guy doesn't need to know. What is your opinion? Thanks

Thank you for requesting me. I believe that a pre-nup includes disclosure of worth, and my suggestion to you would be to talk to a lawyer (or are you or your husband a lawyer?). The last thing you want is to make a mistake or forget something and 'worst case scenario' the prenup is thrown out because it was done incorrectly. As I said before, it's a hard thing to do, feelings can get hurt and some people just won't sign them. However when you consider the rising divorce rates and how terrible the economy is, the last thing you want is some guy she has to pay alimony to for the rest of her life. Weddings are supposed to be about love, not money, but sometimes you have to be pregmatic as well. I hope this helps, and I'm always here if you have any questions about anything.


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hi, My question is only about what you think should be revealed to a great and wonderful guy. He is very kind and allows her to feel comfortable even though he can't afford to spend on things that she can. I just thought that if she had some privacy about what she has, then he could just sign the paper that says whatever she has before the marriage is hers to keep and he need only to see that if there was a divorce.
Ok, I understand. Then my suggestion to you would be to let me move this to the legal department so that you can find out if not including her worth would affect the legitimacy of the prenup. Would you like me to refer this to one of our legal experts?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
No,I guess what I'm trying to ask is...I think he knows that she will inherit money when we are gone but I don't think he knows that she has her own money in trusts that amounts to quite a bit. I think that if he sees this he will be a little shocked and I want to know if you think that this could change the relationship where he may feel like she should pay for more in the future instead of him trying to support the two of them? Maybe I'm thinking that it's better to just wonder and not know too much. He never asks and I like the way it is now. I hope this makes sense.
I do understand what you mean, but what I'm saying is

if you leave her worth out, then it may make the prenup void, and you don't want that. So you need to know legally if you must include it, or if it's not necessary. Also if you need to include what she makes, or do you also have to include trusts, etc.

additionally, you might need to look into the laws of your state or speak to a lawyer about how inheritances would fit into pre-nups. Are they covered? how are they covered?

Do you see what I mean? There's no point in having him sign something that will not be effective should it come to that.

We've got some stellar lawyers here and I can refer you to one personally if you like?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I understand what you mean, but ... my question is only about feelings and how it will affect the relationship if he knows the total worth.
ah, well if as you said he doesn't know all she is worth, it could shock him a little. I think if it did affect him, it might make him feel a little inferior, like he would have to step up a little, or as I said before might contribute to feelings of unworthiness or resentment over time, as men are taught to believe that they should be the breadwinners and take care of their wife. If he's a strong and loving person, and he does work hard and he does live a good life, then he should be able to deal with it without too much trouble. The love they have between them plays a big part in how they will deal with each other and anything that comes their way. You said that he is kind, and that's such a beautiful trait that will serve him well in this type of marriage, where others might find it harder to deal with. I hope this helps. Let me know if you want to talk more.

I didn't mean to not directly answer you, I just wanted to be sure you were aware of all angles. Thanks

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX right about voiding the pre-nup by not disclosing the facts. I will check on that. I bet you do need to show the worth. I really think you are right and that it depends on the guy. I kow that he is super smart, not lazy and very ambitious. He has great potential so I think he will take it well. Maybe deep down inside, I wish it was the other way around. No, I'm sure I think that. lol Oh well, again thank you for listening.
Anytime, I've enjoyed helping. As I said, you can ask for me by name anytime. He does sound like a good guy, and no, don't wish it was the other way around. At least you know that she will always be taken care of and that's all a parent could ever really ask. My daughter is 16 (smile). It's important that he's kind, and that he's not lazy...regardless of what he contributes, it's important that he contributes something. I wish you only the best for your daughters wedding. Congrats and try not to get too stressed out, ok?

All the best.

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