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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I work with this man and he is married (no kids), but his wife

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I work with this man and he is married (no kids), but his wife left him and is going through a divorce. Since he started working back in June we have become extremely close (or so i thought). I've helped him so much, but he isn't much of a talker and i thought we were falling for each other, well last night i told him how i felt and instead of being "flattered" he was upset at me and said he felt uncomfortable. Mind you that we have kissed and fooled around (no intercourse). So what was i to think? He also looks at other women when we go out and makes sexual comments about them (he acts like he and i have never been intimate and just treats me like a "buddy"). I feel like a complete idiot for expressing my feelings. I am feeling extremely depressed and lonely. I put on a smile for everyone but inside i am dying. The worst part is that i have to work with him at my office. I just don't know what to do and i can't stop thinking about him. Please i really need some advice ASAP!
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Did you ask him why he felt uncomfortable when you had been kissing and fooling around?

I understand that you car about him, but after all you wrote, why do you still want to be with him?

When was your last relationship? why did it end?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I asked him why do you feel uncomfortable when i told him how i felt, he just said to me "you figure it out". I am 39 years old and i've never been in a serious relationship. I just thought he and i connected, but now i can't think clearly. I mean, i suppose it just feels nice to feel wanted or go out with him instead of sitting at home alone. I haven't had sexual relations in over 8 years. In the past 3 years i have lost alot of weight, but i still have more to go. I just figure men don't want to be with me cause of my weight. I feel like a fool that i still want to be with him. He still tries to touch me and talks to me in a sexual manner, but all we ever did was oral sex for him, he hasn't tried to pleasure me. I just don't know how to stop thinking about him and feel jealous when he talks about other women.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

It's a little hard for me to know what to say to you because you're telling me that because you are overweight, that no one is going to be with you. You're also telling me that you are willing to have someone treat you like garbage rather than be alone. I understand that it's hard to be alone, we've all been there, but there's nothing worse than being with someone who doesn't care about you, and not only that, treats you terribly. He's not interested in being with you like that, and in fact he's telling you that you are foolish to even think that he would by saying 'you figure it out'. He's already shown that he's going to look at other women, porn, ex girlfriends, etc.

I know it's hard to be alone, sexually or relationship wise, but being with someone who is not going to treat you the way you want or need to be treated. As much as you've done for him and do for him, he could at least show you the restpect of not talking about other women in front of you, or being intimate with you to show you he cares.

There are men out in the world who like bigger women, there are places you can look online for guys who like big women. If you lose weight it should be for yourself and for your health. If a man really cares about you, he's going to want to treat you better than this, and he'll show you that he wants to be with you, not treat you like this. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

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