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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My boyfriend and I are both college students and we have been

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I are both college students and we have been together for almost two years now. But we both know that our relationship has to end somewhere and that we don't have a future together. The thing is that we are from two different worlds! I am a christian and he is a muslim. Our religion is very imporant to us and to our families. We both strongly feel to end up with a person from the same religion. We have different views and values. So looking back I don't know how I let myself agree for our friendship to grow into relationship. But the thing is that I don't feel this way when are together hanging out. I don't feel that difference between us when we are together having fun. However, when I am by myself it bothers me a lot. So I feel I should end it and I also have talked to him to about it. He feels the same way too sometimes. Therfore, we decided to end it but after awhile we got back together again. Eventhough,I know this relationship won't work, I don't want to lose him. I don't know the reason why I can't make the decision to end it and stick with it. I can tell you that it is not because he treats me soo good or everything else makes me happy. NO, because when we fight it is almost always because of him lacking interest in my life. OR I just don't see him caring for me. I know he likes me but I can't say he cares for me (I think I should have been able to say that by now). OR I don't see him trying to takecare of me. In short, I can say he is not a giver. And that hurts me. So feeling this way about him (he lacks to show me he cares)and knowing that we don't have a future, can you tell me what is making me stay with him. Any insight, advice or opinion you can give me that can help me understand why I can't walk away.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
How did the two of you meet?

What are your ages?

Did you move away from your family or do you still live at home?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.


Thank you for reading my question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Hi chase,


Thank you for reading my question. The answer to the three things you wanted to know about are below.


We met when I was working at a job over my summer break. And he used to work there at the time too.


I am 23 and he is 25


I had to move from home four years ago because the college I was accepted at was at a different place. However, I am staying with close family relatives.



Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
To answer your question as to why you can't walk away, it could be a number of different things. Depending on your personality, it could be because you don't like to 'fail' at things, and walking away from this relationship could make you feel like you've failed in some way. You could also be feeling that you care for him and can't understand why he's not willing to be what you need him to be. The fact is, it takes strength to walk away from something, especially when you have invested time and energy into it, but if you know in your heart that it's not the right thing for you, then the best thing to do is make a clean break and focus on other things in your life. It's not fair for either of you to stay together, if you both know in your hearts that it's not going to go anywhere. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Hi Chase


Thank you for your answer. It really helped. I think i just needed some one tell this to. And yes both of the reasons you gave me made sense. Infact, now that i think about it feels that the two are connected. The fact that "he's not willing to be what I need him to be" make me feel rejected and unwanted and therefore a failure. I guess it would have been easier for me to walk away after all this, if i felt sure of his love for me. Maybe I am just staying around to see if he will love me back the way i want him to. At least i would know that our relationship was something special. But now i just feel used. i feel like i have wasted my time and energy on a person i thought loved me but day after day it seem more to me that he is just using me. And i didn't want to believe that. I still don't. because it hurts a lot. My heart tells me that he is using me. But he always talks his way out of this situations that make me think he using me. He always has excuses. And i accept them. Therefore, I tell my self that i am just being too sensitive. And since this is my first relationship i don't know what exactly to expect form a guy and what not to expect.

I didn't mean to write all this but it just came out of me. So thank you very much again for your advise







Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
I'm typing something out for you, brb
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
The fact is everyone uses everyone in some way....there are different things that we get from different people......some people just do more using than giving, it's selfishness. If it's your first relationship, it can be hard, as women we are taught to be pleasant and giving, but in this day and age a woman also has to learn to listen to her instincts.....if you feel that you're being used, you're not being too sensitive, you're probably being used. Yes, it hurts, but it will hurt less if you take control of the situation and do what you know needs to be done.

Before you get involved with someone else, write down what your expectations for a relationship are. Talk to your friends and see what they say, talk to your mom, grandmom, sisters, cousins, and see what their expectations are and what they think about yours. Once you get a list together, then try to stay as close to that list as possible. If you say "I want a guy that has his own car" then no matter what, don't date any guy who doesn't have his own car. If you say I want a guy with a sense of humor, don't deviate from that. Once you know what you want, you can come closer to reaching that goal.

Just the fact that he's your first bf is a good reason why you are afraid to let go....just remember, you got this one, there will be others. And there will be others who are willing to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Just remember that we teach people how to treat us. The first time someone does something you don't like or you see as a warning sign, you have to speak up, regardless of whether they like it or not, or else they will think it's ok to continue doing it.

I hope this helps. I'm always here if you need to talk


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