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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I have a date for the first time in 5 years. A blind date.

Customer Question

I have a date for the first time in 5 years. A blind date. I am terrified. I am not ugly or over weight but I am scared to death. A long history of failures and bad choices. I have been biting my nails and doing things to sabotage myself before for next Saturday night. I am lonesome but afraid of making - yet - another mistake. I am 55. I feel old. I used to be quite a "hot" number. I have been a single parent - always. Now I have sheer terror in my heart. I see a psychologist on a regular basis as I have been in grief counseling for 2 years. This has me scared that I will face another failure with the opposite sex. I am so horribly lonesome. I want to date but I am so horribly afraid.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are you most afraid of?


-Why are you in grief counseling?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I am afraid that this will be a total failure and that it will not work out. I have little confidence left. I mean I have been dating since I the age of 15. HOLY COW !! My daughter is 20. She is spectacular and even she has never known her father. He was a loser. I attract losers like flies. I have a big sign on my forehead that says, "If you are a loser, please date me." !!!! Only losers can see it. I swear. Now this blind date was set up by a friend that I trust...but I have not gone out in a very long timer.


I am in grief counseling because I recently lost my mother and my brother within 12 months of each other. My brother died this week, last year, and was buried on my Mom's b-day (12/5). I also, lost my best friend of 35 years 3 months after my brother died. They both died of the same thing - pain pill addiction. My brother's best friend also died 6 months after my mother (of the same thing). He was also a friend of the family and grew up with all of us. It was too much for me to handle. I also spent the last 7 years taking care of my mother and working from home so I could do just that. I had to make decisons to pull the life support on both my mother and brother - it just hit me hard. I have four brother's total and he was my baby brother. We were only 15 months apart. They are known as Irish twins in an Irish family. His children were a mess. It was a horror.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


You are attracted to men you think are loser because you have the need to make people better without realizing they have to want to be better you cannot make them better. You have suffered so much loss that it makes you afraid to get close to anyone for fear of losing them and being alone again, dating again can be scary enough without the added fear of loss. When it comes to getting back out in the dating scene again it can be quite terrifying in the beginning, after having been out of the dating scene for years you feel intimidated about getting back out there just think about it as being like anything else though, with a little of practice it won't seem quite so intimidating to you.


The unknown is always scary, but do not let that stop you. Your confidence will develop after a while and if at first you don't succeed keep trying and remember practice makes perfect. It is very important to prepare yourself mentally to start dating again, talk to your friends about what it's like to date nowadays the dos and don'ts of dating your friends may also be a great resource for finding out where to go to meet people locally, or on the Internet. Also try to take on a positive attitude and when you start to think negatively about dating again catch yourself. One of the most important things you have to realize is that everybody comes with a little baggage, mental scars, or other issues that make us all a little shaky about ourselves on occasion. Plan to meet in a public place your first date, this allows you both to feel more comfortable when you first meet and are alone somewhere it can be very awkward with nothing to talk about.


Try getting acquainted with current events so that you will have something to talk about or ask them about their job or interests. If you go into the date with a positive attitude then things will feel so much more confident. Try saying a little pray before the date. If the date goes well take the time to get to know each other gradually over time, there is no rush. At this point you've been down this road before so you now know what type of person and relationship you do not want, this is the time to discover whether or not these characteristics are present. Take the time to get to know the person before you introduce them to any of your family take it very slow make sure he is the right person for you and if things do not go well then remember dating takes practice and the very first date may not go perfectly.