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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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I am obsessing over an opportunity I missed thanksgiving weekend.

Resolved Question:

I am obsessing over an opportunity I missed thanksgiving weekend. My immediate family is very small, and I am considered a loner by my siblings. I am in my mid-40's, and do not have anyone that I respect enough to ask advice from. I was invited to thanksgiving dinner with my eldest's brother's family, (possible romantic interest involved) but was advised by my next-eldest brother to stay at home. I did what he suggested & am regretting my decision. I have a hard time with making decisions (good ones, especially) being on my own. What can I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-How long have you been a loner, all of your life?


-What reason did your brother give you for the advice not to go?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


You need to try and feed more on your inner voice instead of everyone's voice around you more than likely people around you will get it wrong and you are left wondering why you took their advice in the first place. You know, the one that nags you incessantly if you get the slightest thing wrong. You are a loner possibly because you are unsure of yourself think that if you try something you will fail at it when in all actuality you may be good at quite a lot of things if you think about it. Play to these strengths, do more of the things you're good at. You'll find your confidence improving as you become more successful at these, success breeds success, so it will spill over into other areas of your life.


Try not to be so hard on yourself and try to think about the positive and not always the negative that is part of the reason you are unsure because instead of thinking positively you think of what might go wrong. Don't be negative about yourself and don't let others be negative about you either, try to set tiny goals let them out step by step. You wouldn't climb a whole mountain in one giant leap. Split your goals into "bite sized chunks" so that you are constantly achieving something towards your goals. Like when someone asks you to family dinner go there with a positive mind and don't ask anyone if you should go. Think this is going to be the new beginning of the rest of my life. Get out more even if it's by yourself, go to the movies or out to eat and to a sporting event even if you aren't really into doing those things, you have to start somewhere. I say this because it seems you tend to talk yourself out of things that involve being around other people.


Try to be yourself instead of planning things around what others tell you to do if they are family and care about you then they will allow you to be who you are and just accept and love you nevertheless. Over time, you can use various self improvement techniques to work on yourself and improve things you want to change. But accept yourself as you are you'll actually find you're probably quite likable "as is" if you would only give yourself a fighting chance. Instead of getting upset about failure try thinking you will do it better the next time around. You didn't learn to walk before you could crawl. As you get older, you will learn from your mistakes and build on your successes. No matter what age you are if you want to change the change will come faster than you think but remember it took you this long to become a loner it won't change overnight but it won't take as long to come out of your shell.

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