What are your ages?
I'm 31 he's 34
-How long have you been dating?
2 years but we have broken up. He is confused about why I am hurt all the time. He gets on my nerves because he doesn't understand the hurt bit and can't talk about feelings.
-How have your past relationship been? Explain in detail because this may have something to do with your in [resent relationship securities?
I have not had much luck in the last 3 years. I moved to Spain 3 years ago. Before that I had a very nice boyfriend who adored me but I found it boring and wanted adventure. IN Spain I have had two boyfriends before this one. THey were both Spanish and pretty jealous accusing me of crazy things like touching the nape of their best friend's neck in a nightclub, dancing to attract men's attention, one went through my mobile phone. I finshed with them. Then I started going out with this boyfriend. He is French I am English, we work at the same secondary school as teachers (me biology him French(
-Could you explain your situation a little more?
I have a feeling that I feel like this because I have always expected men to hurt me. My father was violent, I used to be nice to him and found strategies not to get hit but my brother and mother were stubborn. The situation at home was like a survival game. At 7 I ad anorexia...I could control my eating obvioulsy because I couldn't control my home life. But I got caught disposing of my lunch every day and I got thin. My mum left my father with us when I was 10 and my brother 15. Between the ages of 3 and 7 the boyfriend of my grandmother would touch me when we went to visit them (about twice or 3 times a year). It would only happen when we were alone and I liked it, he was gentle and it would be when I would sit on his lap when we watched TV. It didn;t make sense that he stopped when people came in or he didn't do it when there were other people there until I got to about 7 years old. Then I felt guilty for enjoying it. I have had counselling about 7 years ago where I talked over a lot of these things. In my teens I used to get drunk a lot and have sex with guys because I thought they wanted a relationship with me and to love me. Then I got disillusioned. Then I had some nice boyfriends. Around 7 years ago I went to do PhD in Norwich which is near where my father's from. I started thinking about it all again and got in contact with a cousin I hadn't seen for 15 years. I hadn't seen my father in more thatn 15 years because I hadn't wanted to but now I wanted answers. To cut a long stroy short I ended up meeting my father and just slagged off my mum and brother. Didn't mention hitting them etc. It drove me mad. ANother time I saw him I decided to confront him about it and he went nuts. We were in a pub in busy London and he shouted (he was an alcoholic too) and told me that he couldn't believe I had come to talk to him about it blah blha. I just asked him why he never said sorry after he had hit us or shouted at us. He just continued shouting and ranting, as unreasonable as I remember.
So basically I think the problem is that I have been mistreated by men that have 'supposed' to be ones that should care and love me unconditionally so now I find it hard to trust and actually believe I am worth being loved and cared for. Yes, these men (my father and my grandma's boyfriend) were ill, sick in the head, had psycholigical problems and I shouldn't take it personally but still maybe I'm not worth.
I believe myself intelligent but my heart is ruling over my head!! I want to be less complicated!!!
Thanks for your help