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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1701
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Been married for over four years, last year i started emaili

Customer Question

Been married for over four years, last year i started emailing an ex. It went from the casual hi how youre doing, to content of a sexual nature. My wife found out and was devestated. We went to marriage counseling for a few months, and were deemed to be "on the right track" so with the counselors blessing, we stopped going. Things were fine for a few months, then last month we had a discussion on marriage, and my wife casually says "well our marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper anyway," which bothered me. She became angry because her statement bothered me, and we spent the next two days angry with each other. While tying to talk about things, she says she would in the future not like to celebrate or wedding, or not even talk about it, because it took place at a courthouse, and not in front of friends and family. We've had another argument since, and this time she said she didnt respect, or love me. (she said love, but not in love) since this latest one, I feel me
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Luv,

What are your ages?

How was the relationship before you started with the emails?

Is she still angry about the emails?

Does she want a wedding with family?

Why would she say that she doesn't respect you?

Do you believe she doesn't love you?

Have you considered going back to counseling?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
im 32, shes 33. Our realationship was better before the emails, but there were problems that arose at times. She's still angry about the emails I believe, partly because shes been in involved in an ongoing, online fued with my ex now for nearly a year now. When we were going to counseling, there seemed to be steps taken in a direction to try to repair things, but trading insults and threats with my ex still seems to really disrupt that. She told the counselor when we were going she would stop, but she hasnt til this day. she said she lost repect for me because of the emails, so she says now its like every little thing I do is magnified because shes lost that respect. As for the love thing, I dont know. I think she loves, but is she still in love with me, I cant answer. I'm not too sure if i'm still in love with her after everything either. To me it seems when she gets angry, she will say whatever just to be hurtful. When she started on the whole I really lost respect, and im not in love with you anymore, and started talking about divorce. I started talking about leaving here (i told her I dont see how I could stay here if she doesnt love or repect me) she started to backpedal a bit saying she didnt say those things. It changed to i've lost "some" respect, and she didnt say she didnt love me. I'm starting back with the counseling next week, but to be honest for right now, I'd rather go on my own, and she where that goes.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello luv,<br /><br />Thank you for that additional info, I had a few more questions<br /><br />How did she get into a feud with your ex, is it because of the emails?<br /><br />How/why did they keep in touch?<br /><br />Why do you want to do the counseling alone instead of with her?<br /><br />Also, I noticed one of our parenting experts helped you, but you haven't accepted. Experts don't get credit for their work unless you click the green accept button. Also, if you have any other questions, all you have to do is ask her. <br /><br />Chase
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
they are fueding basically on myspace. It started because of the emails, but from that it has grown into something else that doesnt even involve me. They go back and forth calling each other names. The ex lies and says I still call and asks to be with her, and my wife know it isnt true, but they still go back and forth. Finally my wife stopped for a couple of weeks, and my ex went so far as to contact my brother in law via myspace, and now she is saying that my wife really likes her (implying shes gay)

I just wanted someone to talk to basically, which is why I wish to go at first alone