Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:
-What are your ages?
-How long have you been together?
-What type of termination?
-Could you explain your situation a little more?Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.
i am 26 and my partner is 32
we have been together for 19months
in march this year we decided that having this child was not suitable for us so therfore she had a termination with my full support. since then our communication has been affected, we do not talk as much as we used to. we have not been intimate for 8 months just the odd peck on the lips and a random hug now and again. i've tried many times to make her feel sexy and initiate sex but i just get shrugged off. i am losing my confidence because i keep getting rejected and feel i might lose her also. i love her too much to let this be the end of us. but the excitement has slipped also as i don't feel she is passionate about me as she used to be.
It seems as though your girlfriend isn't copying well with the termination and although you both agreed with the termination of the pregnancy then, now she doesn't know how to cope and sometimes the one mate takes it out on the other mate. She may be having feelings of great sorrow and confusion. She may need to talk to a counselor about her choice if she is finding it hard to come to grips about the termination, a counselor can give her ways to cope with her decision though at the time she thought it was for the best now she may be thinking what if which isn't uncommon feelings when a woman choses to give up her pregnancy or terminate.
As far as your relationship is concerned it is very very important that she knows she can come to you and talk about this good or bad she needs your support. She may be afraid to have intimacy because of the fear of it happening again and having to go through it again, some women terminate pregnancies because they are not ready for a child and feel relieved of their decision but it seem your girlfriend may be harboring some underlying resentment now. She will benefit from counseling and seems to need it now or else your relationship may not withstand this event that has happened in your lives. She may be blaming herself or you and that isn't a good and she has to find ways to cope with her decision. Also depending on when her due date was to be she may be finding that as it gets closer to the time she would have had the baby she is finding it sad and harder to deal with her decision.
There could be many reason why she is acting this way but the two of you will not be able to work through this alone on your own and I think you both will benefit by some counseling, the counselor may be able show her that it's okay to grieve the termination and it's natural in some cases. Your girlfriend may not be able to perform until she get this help that she needs to move past this and what she is going to need from you is patience and understand and love, also she may need time to get past this but she will not be able to do it on her own. Please encourage her to seek some type of counseling that will benefit her as well as the relationship but try to stay involved with the counseling and be supportive.
Wait a day after she has gotten home so that you don't catch when she is tired from being away. Tell her "I know we talked about going to counseling together and I know we talked about this before but you are afraid you are lose her and you want to work on the issues in your relationship." Tell her you miss the intimacy and her loving a caring ways and you can tell that she is going through something and you want to be there for her whatever it is. That is excellent the two of you realize that you need help most couples deny having a problem or need help and wait until it's too late and they have broken up. Ask her if she has thought anymore about the counseling and tell her you can look for one together so that she knows this is going to be a united front.
You're quite welcome and if you ever need my help again ask for me by name I will be happy to help you.