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I am a single mom dating a man for 1 1/2 years. He is distressed

Customer Question
about himself, us and everything...
I am a single mom dating a man for 1 1/2 years. He is distressed about himself, us and everything right now. I am overly sensitive - when he doesn't stay over and wants to be alone. He wants to talk - how do I communicate when my fear is he'll leave me?
Submitted: 9 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
11/11/2008
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long were you single before you met him?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago

I am 40 and he is 51 1/2.

 

I divorced in 2005; he is divorced also and we both have two kids. We blended very soon after meeting and then decided to create two separate households for our kids (i moved out in June).

 

I get stressed a lot because he has kept his kids away from me because they don't want him seeing anyone. I constantly find myself getting upset with him. The situation that errupted last night is that i had been out of town for 6 days and he told me last night over drinks with his buddies that he would be staying at his house. I got really upset. He thinks i don't understand his need to have alone time with not only his kids but himself. i just am always sensitive and upset feeling like i dont' have very good quality time with him.

Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
Customer

 

Starting to date again after being with someone for so long and making a family with that person only to have it not work can often give people insecure feelings because they don't know why it ended and then the children feel hurt because they don't want their parents with anyone else but each other. it's hard enough to find alone time with each other let alone time for yourselves and that is something he wanted to do have time to himself but you on the other hand were gone for 6 days and missed him and wanted to spend quality time together with him. Just realize that you are not always going to be able to have alone time together children and other things may take up that time. I think the children not wanting him with anyone may be affecting his judgment right now and he may need some time to think about what it is that he wants.

 

Maybe it was too soon to blend family and you should have taken it slower with children involved when you blend a family and then unblend it makes the children confused as to why you moved out and why it didn't work and they might have thought back to when their parents split up. A year and a half is a long time to be with someone and if he isn't ready to commit and involve you into his children's lives then maybe you should rethink where this relationship is going and talk to him about the way you have been feeling with every relationship there has to be communication and since you moved out that has changed. Ask him where he sees the relationship going and if he sees the two of you in a committed and serious relationship with the both of your children involved.

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