Ending your life is never the answer.............yes what you are going though is painful, but like all things in life it shall pass. Ending your life ends everything....there is no tomorrow or future. Think of the past and find something that caused you great pain as a child. Think about how hard that was......its over now and the pain ended did it not? This will as well. Taking your life ends it........but it also ends you so I really hope you are not serious. If you are please do yourself a favor and call 1-800-SUICIDE They can help you with your feelings right now.
As for your husband and how he feels about you.........if he did not care for you he would simply put a end to it and find someone new to love. He is offering you your choice, if you want to leave you may do so if not you may stay and work it out. Thats pretty reasonable I would say........most men would be quite angry with what you have done. It sounds like you have a fair minded husband.
You did not elaborate about why you cry during your marriage so I can only assume it was from unhappiness. Life is what we make it.........we can accept things as they are or we can change it. If you want to change what makes you unhappy then you must accept that there are problems and decide what you want out of life.
Staying with your husband simply because you have no where to go is not fair to either one of you. You must decide what you want.......as for the other man sadly love is a two way street. You can love him with everything in you yet you can not force him to be with you. You simply must accept he is what he is and move on. Forgetting him is not as easy as you want it to be........I really wish I had some magic words that would wipe your past from your memory but that simply is not the case. Forgetting something or someone you love is not the answer........the answer is looking at who he is and knowing that this is not the person you really want to be with. Do you want to be with someone who disregards XXXXX XXXXX and needs? You know the answer is no.......focus on that instead of what you once had. The more you focus on him not being prince charming the quicker your heart will heal. It will take time.......but you can do this.
If it is going to be to painful then maybe you should ask for a leave from work. Explain to your boss that you are having some family and personal problems and ask for a leave.
As for your husband, if you really do not wish to make this work then it is unfair to stay. Life is full of choices.........yes it can be scary but there are many paths you can take right now and YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH to take these new paths.
Do you want to be on your own for a while? If so talk to your husband, maybe you can take the time to save up enough to get a small apartment you can afford. He may be willing to help you do so as well. The fact is sometimes we meet a lot of wrong loves until the right one comes along. Though you have to take care of you right now....there are programs out there that can assist you as well. There are apartments made for low income people if you do not make a large amount of money. You may also be entitled to some support from the divorce or if you and your husband have any money saved up you may be entitled to some of that as well as other assets from the marriage.
It sounds like you need to sit down and think about what you really want. Try not to see yourself as trapped.........there is a big world out there to be a part of. You do not have to have a man in order to survive. With hard work and dedication you can take care of yourself until you find someone you can really love.