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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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Sometimes I cant tell the real depth of my love for my boyfriend.

Customer Question

Sometimes I can't tell the real depth of my love for my boyfriend. I find myself judging small things he does and creating small resentments for no real reason. Always testing him. He's really good to me, but sometimes I just don't know how deep our love is. I do love him, we live together, have a dog. It's a good relationship. And often great, but I worry that my love sometimes isn't strong enough. Is this normal or am I being a perfectionist and neurotic?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-What do you find yourself resenting him for?


-Is he a good boyfriend, is he considerate, does he put your needs before his?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I am 26 and he is 22.

I resent him for really little things and anger easily. I'm very sensitive and sometimes he's just not aware of how he says things or not being attentive enough. But it's not all the time. I feel like I can be very nit picky. My biggest resentment is often that he doesn't feel deeply enough for my emotional needs, but he is getting better.

He is really good to me. He cooks, checks on me, calls me. He's really quite amazing.

We have been together for over two years. We currently live together and spend most of our free time together. We have a lot of fun. I hope that when I feel this way, that is, not loving him strongly enough that it's just because I'm so caught up in the relationship that I can't see the big picture.

I worry a lot.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


One more question: How was your past relationships?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
My past relationships weren't really relationships. Mostly just affairs as I would call them. Long distance, older unavailable men. Mostly sex based but lasted for some time. My one love was with someone completely emotionally unavailable who I was deeply in love with and broke my heart. He had a lot of issues and I have dealt with them. Most of the love I have felt in the past I chalk up to strong romantic fantasy. I have always been a loner.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


I think you are acting this way because of fear of the unknown you have never known another man like this except for possibly your father so this is new to you so you may be waiting for it all to crumble and are finding little faults because the relationship is so good and your use to your relationship being a certain way and this is totally new to you. This is something you have to work on so that you are not subconsciously trying to destroy something good. If I were you I would communicate this to your boyfriend and explain to him that a relationship like this is something you are not really use to and ask him to have patience with you and help you to work through this if he is the good boyfriend you say he is then he will understand and support you through this, have you ever considered going to a counselor to help you work through all of your relationship issues but you don't have a serious enough problem to have to seek counseling it may only take time for you to adjust to being treat so good and adjust to having someone live with you everyday.


This relationship is a good relationship I don't see anything major that will keep you from having a happy and healthy relationship. Slowly but surely you will get use to having such a good person in your life and also learn to appreciate what you have, I think subconsciously you feel like you don't deserve him because of your past relationship and how you were treated but you deserve someone that will respect you and love you and support you no matter what you go through and I think your boyfriend is that person for you and he can teach you trust again totally and completely.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I trust him completely and it has been two years... why wouldn't I be comfortable and positive of my love yet? I know I have a lot of self-esteem issues and I don't feel like he builds me up enough. He loves me and treats me well, but doesn't make me feel like I'm amazing. He's much more comfortable with himself and with the way things are that I am. I think I just expect grand gestures and soul shaking love all the time. I am acting just out of fear and expecting too much? I see people my age breaking up all the time and that also makes my scared for my own relationship because it really is a great one. I worry that I am eventually going to ruin the best thing I ever had because of my doubts.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


If you do not feel good about yourself and self image then no one will be able to make you feel good about yourself, you have to feel good within yourself before you can feel good about anything else or anybody else. If you continue to think this way you just might ruin a good thing but it can be avoided but you have to be willing to accept the fact that you are a good person and deserve the best right now you are not feeling this way. After two years you should be at least be secure in your relationship and you are not so that is why I suggested maybe going to a counselor to see why it is you feel this insecure and have low self esteem. It could be something from you childhood that has you so scared of relationships and failure. Maybe your parents divorced while you were young or maybe you have seen someone go in and out of relationships, or someone in your family or a friend or someone that you looked up to made you feel inadequate and low about yourself even a boyfriend could have made you feel this way and slowly broke you to where you don't think highly of yourself or don't think you deserve the best. You may be expecting to find your self worth in someone else but you have to find that within yourself.