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I am 47 she is 30
we have been dating 8 months
she said she isn't feeling this relationship because she needs to be by herself right now, but also says in time we may be able to work it out. I am only the second female she has dated.(in a relationship)
Her daughter is 7
we have had a fairily rocky relationship all along, she says alot of hurtful things, our relationship is the one she felt comfortable coming out in she told everyone who would listen. Now she says she has lost focus and needs to get herself back together in order for us to work out. She has been going out the last 4 weeks. usually comes to my house after going out. Says this is not about meeting or being with anyone else, that the best thing we have going is the sex. But wants her space, I don't know how to give it to her. I feel like she has all the control. At first she was very jealous and insecure and was making me that way, it was crazy, then all of a sudden she backed off of me. This rollercoaster is very hard to exlpain when we got together she had been single 3 yrs. She has never let anyone in her daughters life except me.
It seems as though she is confused as to what she wants, she may not be sure if the same sex serious relationship is what she really wants and she doesn't want to hurt you and lead you on so she decided to be honest with you. The best kind of love you can show her is to respect her wishes but yet be there for her and support her decision the time you give her will be your make or break it, if you make a big deal about her needing her space she will see that as you not being very supportive and understanding of what she needs. Wouldn't you want to have all of her rather than part of her and then possibly get hurt later down the line. Depending on how much time she will need my advice to you is still be there for her and her daughter since you are the only serious relationship she has had with a female she may not be sure if she wants to be with just one female and she is tempted to date other femmes this could be another reason she needs space to sow her wild oats before committing to you or anyone else.
If her daughter loves and cares for you don't walk out of her life and if you stay in her life and show your girlfriend that you can be depended upon then she may realize that you are the best thing that ever happened to her. In ever relationship whether same sex or opposite there is a certain amount of insecurity whether it be that you don't if the person really likes you, if the person can care about you and only you, it's a learning process and although the two of you have been together 8 months it's still fairly new. The true question is how long are you willing to wait for her to make up her mind as to whether she is ready to be with you or move on? I would suggest giving her a couple of months and then asking her if she has made a decision about what she wants and if she hasn't made up her mind then it will be time for you to think about what you want out of life and if you want to waste time waiting for her to be ready.
If you love her that much and feel she is worth waiting for then you have to reserve yourself to the fact that she may not decide to be with you and may want to move on without you and yet she may decide she wants a last relationship with you and if that is the case then the two of you will have work through the insecurities and jealousy and become a family unit with the daughter. Take the time that she needs and work on things you think you need to change about yourself in order to have a healthy relationship with her and her daughter.