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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Recently my girlfriend of two years have broken up because

Customer Question

Recently my girlfriend of two years have broken up because I put myself in a bad situation with another woman. She found out from her friend who was trying to get with me the whole time, and had said that she would do anything to break us up, to the girl that I supposedly hooked up with. Eventually I got to say my side of everything and explained to her what happened. She said she wanted space to see what things were like for herself, and we agreed that she would let me know when in fact she would talk to me again. I got so scared and frustrated that she would never want to try again on our relationship, so I kind of didn't give her all the space she wanted. And I think now that by doing that she is moving on. I truly love the girl, and because of my insecurities within myself I couldn't tell her what happened earlier when I was in that situation. What do I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Jeaton

Do you live together?

What are your ages?

How long did her 'space' last?

How do you know she is moving on?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
No, we were in a serious relationship of two years, and are in college. I am a senior thats graduating this december, and she is also a senior but has another year of school. I am 23 years old, and she is 21 years old. The space was about 3 or 4 weeks, but it was so difficult because its a small campus and we always saw each other. After seeing her out at the bar last Saturday, and seeing her let a guy be all on her and doing whatever with her I feel that she is moving on. I know that she is throwing it in my face because she knows I care, and that it will get a rise out of me. But if I didn't show that I cared it would have made her feel as though well if he doesn't care then I don't.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I basically slept at her house from day one of meeting her, and it was like we lived together because we had stuff at each others houses, but we never actually had a house with each other.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Thank you for that additional info. It seems that she may feel the need to get back at you for what happened with that woman. At this point you'll need to let her know, either in person, on the phone or in text that you know you made a mistake, and that you are apologetic, and would like to make it up to her, but you are willing to give her the space she needs, and then give it to her. If you see her out or on campus, give a little wave and then ignore her from that point on. If she calls you, be sure that you are the first one to get off the phone. If she calls you, do not answer, wait a half hr to an hr and call her back. Do not call her, email her or text her. If she texts you, wait a half hr before texting her back (the fist text, not subsequent texts, but on subsequent texts wait a few min before responding).

I know you mentioned that you feel like it will make her think you don't care, but at this point she already knows you care, she's just angry. Pushing is only going to push her away, pulling back can have the effect of pulling her towards you. Keep in mind, that this is a last ditch effort, she may still walk away but at least you know you walked away with your self respect, and that she knew that you sucked it up and backed off, which will give her more respect for you, and perhaps keep the door open for a future relationship or friendship. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I have talked to her in person after it all happened, and we agreed to let her have space, but I dont think I did a good job of giving her space. By being at the bar everytime she was made it look like i wasnt giving her space, I just couldnt pull it together and leave her alone as far as talking to her. Her friends were always in her ear about me being everywhere she was and it just made it look like I was stalking her. I dont know what to do anymore, I really think she has moved on just because I didnt give her space, but in all honesty it was so hard to watch a person that you love and care about be hit on, and be groped up on.