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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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My BF (24) has just broken up with me (25) after four years.

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My BF (24) has just broken up with me (25) after four years. He says he needs to spend time alone with himself and says he needs to be selfish. It was only last night and he came round today and said he still loved me but needed to be alone and 'get his head together'. He is staying with a mutual friend. I just dont know how to get myself together again. I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I know its early days but I cant stop crying for more than 5 minutes. What shall i do?

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-Did the two of you live together?


-Has he been going through something in his life lately?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
We have lived together for the last 2 years of our relationship. We had been arguing a little more than normal over the summer but for the last few months things had seemed to get back to normal. We have just got back from a fantastic holiday in Turkey. John has been stressed at work as his job is very stressful anyway and he doesn't enjoy iy. He actually broke down in work the other day and had to leave and go home. Other than work things have been ok with us. He mentioned something when he left last night about being too young. All our friends are getting engaged and married and I dont know if he thinks I want the same thing (I dont) and that he is not ready (he is a year and a half younger than me). We have always been what people have seen as a 'perfectcouple' we just clicked from the word go and have barely been apart since. A friend of mine says perhaps in a week he will have sorted his head out and will change his mind. I dont want to hang onto something that probably won't happen but also don't feel that I should give up on our relationship without fighting for it.
I am certain that there is no one else involved


It may be that he is dealing with some kind of depression and doesn't know how to handle it. Since you said that things between the two of you have been really good then I can only assume that he isn't happy with the other aspects of his life. I would stick it out with him and tell him that you are concerned for him and that you think he may be depressed maybe if he hears the words he will check with his doctor to make sure that this isn't the case. It's important to at least keep contact and communication open in case he needs someone to talk to and confide in. He may not have wanted to burden you with his problems but if he is depressed it isn't a good idea for him to be alone. Maybe talk to his friends and ask them if they feel he may be depressed about something.


Maybe family members may be able to tell you what is going on with him lately, it sounds like he didn't give you much reason for him needing time alone besides the fact that the two of you may have been moving too fast, reassure him that you are not wanting to rush down the isle. I really don't think that is it because you lived together for two years nothing gets more committal than that. I think he is struggling within himself and don;t know quite how to deal with that because he hasn't felt this way before.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Perhaps I had not thought of that. This is killing me. I wish I could hate him but he is being so decent about the whole thing. He was being patient with me today while I questioned and questioned him. Do you think I should ask him about this tomorrow or wait a few days?



Give him until until Tuesday so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed with everything this way he will have had a few days to comtemplate about everything and he may be able to give you more answers if you ask him all of your questions at once it may frustrate him and push him further away.

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