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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Im 4 months pregnant and my boyfriend just left me and I am

Customer Question

I'm 4 months pregnant and my boyfriend just left me and I am devestated. We were taking "space" when I got pregnant and I found out he was with other girls as well as me although he denies it. We got back together in late August to try and make it work for the baby. It's been rocky... mainly because there are nights he wont answer his phone and he's out... or he doesnt want to spend time with me and I'm here all alone. We went on vacation last week... had a good time with only one argument. We had one the day we got back though... and another one yesterday which is when he said he's done with me, we argue too much, fight too much and our relationship is volatile and he's had enough. He said he wants a paternity test to prove the baby is his and he'll do what he has to do then.   I've begged and pleaded for him to stay and he wont. I dont want to do this without him. I am so scared and I dont want to be home alone pregnant while he's out with other girls. What do i do???
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
How did you find out he was with other girls?

What are your ages?

Do you live together?

Do you have family near you?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I found out through people seeing him, and I know his password XXXXX his email and I found emails from one of the girls going into detail of their sex life. He doesnt know any of that though.

I am 32, he will be 26.

We dont live together. I have a house, he lives with 2 friends and one of his friends girlfriends in their basement 30 minutes away.

I dont really have family, we're not close.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Are you still able to help? I havent heard back...
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Niki,

I apologize, the site has been having some issues and I was not notified of your response. I just realized that I had spoken to you back in June and there were issues. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, and if he's cheated then he probably will continue to cheat, and it's because he not only doesn't have respect for you, he doesn't have respect for himself. He's not ready to be in a relationship, he's not ready to stop doing what he's doing, and he's actually told you that on more than one occasion. The question is, why you haven't listened or believed him when he said he didn't want to be together. Probably because like most people he enjoys being with you, doing things with you, and sleeping with you and didn't want to give that up, even though he didn't want to commit to you. At this point, the baby is coming, and you will have to stop thinking about Niki and start thinking about that little one who did not ask to come into this world. From now on you will have to question every single step you make in your life and ask yourself, how will this affect your child, and start making decisions based on that. You can't have arguing, fussing and fighting around the should not even have it while you are pregnant, it's bad for you. You have to think about yourself now, and if he doesn't want to be a part of your life, you are going to have to let him go....its possible that in time he may realize his mistake, but he has to come to realize that on his own and it's not something you can depend on. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
He's demanding a paternity test and than he says he'll see what he does from there. Do I give him one? Or wait till after the baby is born and make him get it legally? I saw his mom by chance at a restaurant Saturday and she figured it out. Now, he says him and his mom are in it together and she's going to support him... whatever that means. He says he wants to be part of everything but doesnt want to be with me at all. and he wants his own life. So basically, he wants to be single and play but demand to be present at anything with the baby. ? I'm just having trouble with sitting home pregnant while he's out and then letting him come around on his terms. Of course this is all based on a paternity test since he thinks it isnt his. I'm really not sure what to do next. I just feel like it keeps getting worse and there's more and more anger between us and I dont want things to be this way.