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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1704
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I want to know why your spouse would say something so hurtful,

Customer Question

I want to know why your spouse would say something so hurtful, like his job woes are on account of me. I do have a mental illness for which I am taking medications such as Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Strattera. I am also in counseling and have seen a psychiatrist for five years, I have PTSD. Also my husband wants to do all socializing without me even though he is the one that has caused the outbreaks when we are socializing. One time a secretary made a grab for his crotch area and he caught her hand and they were both smiling at each other. There were plenty of witness to this and he stated she was drunk. Well I feel with all the stuff that has gone on he is or was having an affair, he denies this and has taken a lie detector test which he has passed. It also did not affect my opinion of him. I have a feeling he wants his freedom while
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
What kind of job woes is he experiencing?

Do you feel like you have a hand in it?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.

No, I did not have a hand in it. He seemed to just attack me verbally. My counselor seems to think he may have gotten himself into something he cannot get out of like being involved with someone else. I don't understand him. I have heard him speaking on the phone at night for a long time, I was not in the bedroom, I would hear murmering and he would tell me I was crazy and hearing things. I have found a note with a womans name and telephone number on it and he denies knowing her. A year later I happen to dial a *69 when we got home to see if anyone called and guess what, same woman as before, only different number. I have found a grocery list that was not mine. He denies this and later I hear him on the phone telling someone I found the grocery list. I don't know if he is doing this intentionally or what. I have told him I would give him a divorce and I know in my heart he does not love me. How can he do this and not want a divorce. We have been married for 27 years. He never has ever wanted to do anything with me, just with his friends male and female. I don't feel that is a marriage where I sit at home waiting for him while he is doing only God knows what. He even worked for years 7 days a week until this all came about. Now he is working 7 days a week again. He says he had ADD, I don't believe it, he is never at his desk when I call and I do not call alot. I still feel I should divorce him, I have been hurting for so long that I cannot stand it anymore.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
Even though he passed a lie detector test, you still believe he is cheating?

Have you considered couples counseling?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Yes, we tried couples counseling. My husband had me looking like I was the bad guy, saying I was paranoid. He really enjoyed this time in counseling. My personal counselor said if I was hearing conversations, I would hear them at other times also. I feel helpless, would you recommend seeing a psychiatrist. I am not diagnosed as bipolar or schizophrenic by any pshchiatrist or counselor. I thought maybe since I abused as a child, both sexually and otherwise, I might have a split personality. I know there have been times when I have been dissassociating. Because I will not remember where I have to go for my errands or take a different route for no reason. My step-father was always cheating on my mother. Then he turned his attentions to me and my sisters. I am the oldest. He would take me out to bars and buy me drinks and act as if I was with him (you know) not like a daughter.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I accept the answer to this quesion. I thought that is what I had done.