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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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My long term partner has just completed a session of proton

Resolved Question:

My long term partner has just completed a session of proton therapy for treatment of prostate cancer. He is aware of the risk of some side effects such as importance , erection dysfunction, incontinence to mention a few. In anticipation these effects some of which are expected soon after the proton sessions ( eg inability to an effective erection , fatigue )   Prior to the session he deposited his sperm in a sperm bank and is keen to have a child. This is all weighing heavily on our relationship. I have tried to assure him that we will work around other forms of intimacy which do not lead to intercourse. How do I help normalise the situation I love my partner deeply and I want him to be happy whichever way things pan out . Second how do I proceed to investigate ways of falling pregnant?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-How long has he been doing the Therapy for the prostate cancer?


-Are you both in agreement to have a child?

- Are you asking from a medical stand point or relationship?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

ages 57 and 59

at the time of my message had finihshed 6 weeks in treatmnet

having a child - yes we are in agreement

basis of question - medical and relationship has to be both

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 8 years ago.


If the both of you agree to have a child you can use the sperm that he deposited in the sperm bank. What you are going to have to do is make him feel attractive and wanted he isn't feeling that because he can not perform many men, sex seems to define who they are as people. Prostate cancer is the second most frequent cancer contracted by men. Prostate cancer doesn't mean the end of your sex life. It means that you have cancer that needs to be monitored closely and treated appropriately. Having prostate cancer doesn't stop a healthy sex life but sometimes the drugs and treatment done for prostate cancer does. He is going to have to talk to his Doctor no matter how embarrassing he may think it is and tell him about his inability to perform sexually he may be able to give him medications to help with that and help him to get more energy. He may feel the need to have a child even more now because he is uncertain about his future but make sure he doesn't make prostate cancer a death wish.


People go through a lot of physical and emotional pain after being diagnosed with cancer. The pain does not easily go away even after treatment. The effects of cancer in our bodies reeks havoc on our bodies and everyday life. It affects how partners perform in the bedroom that may be part of the process but it doesn't have to be a life sentence for your mate. Until he feels comfortable enough to talk to his doctor and maybe get medication to help with that , you are going to have to show him that there are other types of intimacy that will make him feel attractive and make him feel like you still think he is sexy even though he is going through this life changing experience not every aspect of his life has to change, ways in which to have intimacy does not only have to do with sex there is cuddling, kissing and fondling. Heighten your sex life with fantasy talk about what the two of you liked to do sexually and what you would like to try and see if this doesn't stir up some of the old sexual passion in him.


As far as children are concerned try to do it naturally and if that doesn't work than try to get his sperm from the bank and try it that way but I would seriously talk to his doctor on how he can do it naturally because a man wants to feel like a man and doing it naturally will help him to do that but explain to him that you don't care how you do it as long as you can give him a child you could also consider surrogacy and have someone else carry it for the two of you if your age is an issue.

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