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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:
-What are your ages?
-How long all total of you been friends?
-So you tell him even your deepest secrets?
- You have told him you liked him?Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.
I'm 19 and he's 20 (1.5 years older than me)
We have been friends for something over a year. We talk all the time like at least once a day 98% of the time. Well most secrets come out eventually, I think I said everything, I told him stuff I don't tell my mom nor my sisters so that can show you at what level
I am with him and he talks with me too.
Well at that time we had somewhat of a discussion and it ended up with him asking so who do you like? and I had to tell him. Which is how he found out, I doubt I'd have the guts to just tell him.
I have a lot of past issues from the past that keep me kind of closed up like some horrible stuff that happened mostly regarding friendships, every relationship ended bad and I havent dated for the past four years because of one and I had certain things happen to me when I was younger. So I have major trust issues, though I feel like I tust him a lot, the words just can't seem to come to mind when I have to talk about how I feel...
May I ask you one more questions:
-What happened when you were younger?
-Were you molested? If so, was it by someone you trusted?
Thank you for answering the last few questions for me I'm sure it was not easy to bring yourself to say that to me. Those are very traumatic things to happen to someone so young and your courage is very evident but maybe you should have sought counseling for those traumatic events it is too much for one person to handle though you have done a great job so far it is now affecting how you view relationships. This is why you are finding it so hard to tell him that you like him because you are afraid of possibly being rejected and also it may be that the whole relationship and intimate relationship is what really scares you. It sounds like you totally trust him with your secrets and feelings so think about maybe just being honest one day and throwing caution to the wind. Though there are several things to consider when you are thinking about telling someone how you feel. You should make sure he is available first. It seems as though you are a private person if openly talking about your feelings is not your style, maybe a letter or an email would be better. Some people express themselves better in a letter than talking in person. I think he already feels a romantic connect with you but is waiting for you to be ready which shows that he respect everything you have been through and is willing to wait for you to be ready. This is the kind of guy you should date one that is willing to take the good with the bad and be patient enough for you to be ready for intimacy without pressuring you to do so.
Make sure that when the time comes for you to tell him how you feel that you are truly ready to give yourself to him and if you are not ready then wait until you are he sounds as if he is a great guy that will be willing to wait for you to be ready. If you feel you can tell him in person just open yourself to the possibility that he could be the one for you and will be patient with you and help you to work through any issues you have with the past. That is very important right now that you find someone that will be understanding. Every sexual experience you have had has been negative so in order to have a healthy relationship counseling may help you to come to grips with what has happened to you and realize that it wasn't your fault it was the minds of some very sick individuals and that you were an innocent victim. Don't blame yourself for the things that happened and you need to realize that you do deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship.
Good advice but how do I talk to him? It's easy to just go hey, I want to talk about how I feel, and he'd be more than willing to go and do that but I wouldn't know where to start from.
I can't think of the words to describe how I feel, and I don't want him thinking something like oh she can't think of what to say so she doesn't feel anything. Which is not true, an dhe probably knows it, just my mind coming up with the worst possible scenarios...
It's as if some people have a converter built into them to automatically convert feelings into words, well it's missing here. Am I not ready? Is that why it's not coming to me? I feel like I am and that I want to move on, I'm tired of being alone, but how does it just come naturally to some people to describe how they feel?
It took me like an hour to come up with a couple of sentences the first time we talked about it... and I still wasn't sure whether it was my true feelings... Well I guess it was but not exactly the perfect words... How do I make it easier? Or does it just have to come naturally at some point?
Most relationships it comes naturally but with your past experiences it has instilled some fear in you that makes you insecure about telling a guy your intimate feelings and telling him you want to date him. I think you should sit down and write your feelings this will give you time to think about what you want to say but you should make sure it's heartfelt and honest because he knows how you word things and if you copy it from something he will know that it isn't really your words and it won't mean as much to him. Word it in a way that he knows what you mean when you he reads it like " I've been thinking alot lately about how much I care about you and it's hard for me to tell you so I decided to write in a letter. You have been a great friend and a confidant but I feel such a connect with you that I have never felt with anyone before and I would like to see if this relationship can go in a more serious direction." Something to that affect tell him that you feel you are ready to start a relationship and you want a relationship with him. Like you said you think he feels the same way and if he hears it from you then he will know that you are finally ready. I don't think that you are not ready I just think that you have never felt this way about anyone before and that is why the words are not coming to you because your feelings are much deeper than you can ever express and maybe you could include that in your letter tell him that you have never felt these feelings before and that is why you are finding it much harder to express the way you feel. Just make sure it is your honest feelings and your words.
If you try over time to show him that you will work on expressing yourself and letting him in more it may give you more of a chance but with everything it takes time. If anything he will appreciate the effort that you give. I would suggest to you to continue to work on opening up to him and telling him your inner most feelings. He sounds more frustrated than anything, he seems like he is afraid to give you another chance because he may think that he will get more of the same. He needs to know that you care about him and are willing to change, that is something you are gong to have to prove to him. What is good about everything is he said you have a slim chance and that means that you at least have to slim chance to prove to him that you are worth another chance, so continue to communicate with him and tell him how you are feeling he will come around eventually.