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Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience:  USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
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My sister is marrying a guy just so he can get a green card.

Resolved Question:

My sister is marrying a guy just so he can get a green card. He's living with another woman and they have a child. She's doing it because she loves him but knows they can never be together. They're going to get married at City Hall in a tux and wedding dress and then go to dinner with my parents and my other sister. I was invited. I disapprove of the whole thing. Should I go to this sham wedding and dinner even though I disapprove? I don't know the guy but I'm a little paranoid and think he might want to take advantage of her. Maybe seeing me will make him think twice. Then again, maybe not seeing me will let him know I disapprove and keep a cloak of mystery as to how much of a badass/potential threat I am if he should abuse my sister. To go, or not to go, that is the question. Please help.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 8 years ago.

Dear Leningrad,


Thank you for your question. I believe I understand your dilemma.


No matter what, your sister will be looking for your support. Your parents are already going, and your absence will be interpreted as not supporting your sister. Attending the wedding will not signal approval; but rather signals support of your sister. I am sure you love her sister, and would want to be witness to all that happens to her as much as you can; so that later on, if she needs your help, you are better prepared to help her.


NOTE: just a side note: when they go for the green card, the legitimacy of the relationship will be questioned. They may even go to the extent of asking relatives, friends, neighbors and work associates about the legitimacy of the relationship. They have to attest that they are living together. So you will have plenty of opportunity later on to make official statements about your perceptions of the marriage.





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