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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My boyfriend of two years broke up with me two weeks ago.

Customer Question

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me two weeks ago. He had been very critical, and difficult to get along with for about six months. I put it up to him having a lot of issues at work. He has now suggested couples therapy to work through our communication issues but we are still broken up. I don't understand how you can be in therapy and be working through issues if you are broken up and not seeing each other to work through the issues. Is this possible?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Are you male or female?

What are your ages?

Were you living together?

When will you be starting therapy?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Hi Ms Chase, I am a divorced mother of two, aged 43. He is 44 and was married once for a very short period but has no children. We did not live together. He is speaking to a friend who is a psychologist about some therapy recommendations. He felt that our communications were ineffective and that we couldnt resolve issues and that I couldnt make decisions. I made decisions which he never liked, so I asked him to decide. He never seemed happy.
For example, he would complain that I didnt spend enough time with him and also complain that he felt that he needed to entertain me when I didn't have the children. He would state he would want something light for dinner and I would make suggestions which he would shoot down, and then be upset that he would have to decide.

I reasoned away his unhappiness to his workload, stress, cold feet.

So now we are broken up, as of two weeks ago, and he suggested therapy. I asked him how we could go to therapy if we are broken up and cant work on resolving things between sessions. He says that our communications are so ineffective and that he is so frustrated that he can't continue on the same way.

I don't know how therapy would work if we dont speak or dont see each other except at therapy. But I am not a therapist, so I don't know if this is something that may work.

I hope this information has been helpful.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Thank you for that additional information. You've pinpointed some serious communication issues that could definitely be addressed by therapy. At this point you will want to decide if you love him enough to want to work through this with him. What's interesting and important is that he took these steps on his own and although you have split up, he's wanting to go to therapy and work on the relationship. I would suggest not focusing on the break-up, and focusing instead on the therapy. Open yourself up to the possibility of having a relationship where the things you mentioned will no longer be a problem, and where you can communicate about any issues that might come up. It's extremely promising that he made this first step, if you love him, then try to support him and see where it leads...obviously he's not really wanting to break up with you, just trying to get things on a better track. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX let you know what happens. I have been back and forth on this and its just been weighing so heavily on me.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Ok, that would be good if you can let me know how it goes. Remember, be open to the experience, and practice what the therapist gives you. When in doubt, ask questions

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

I'm sorry but I didn't expect a response to my statement. I won't be paying you for your response, I hope you understand.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
You don't have to pay for my last comment :) The question will close on it's own, please disregard any future emails about this. If you need to speak to me in the future, you can ask for me by name

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Hi Ms Chase,

Update. He decided against therapy and with further digging, I confronted him and he confessed to cheating since September. I figure he fessed up because he had nothing to lose. He said he was really bad at ending relationships but excuses don't mean anything to me. I feel betrayed, angry, sad, and so many more negative feelings. This was man that six months ago said he would take care of my children if anything happened to me. Anyway, the end. I am seeking therapy locally because my exhusband had cheated on me as well and I don't feel I can trust anyone again. You don't need to respond, I just wanted to let you know.