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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I find myself in an impossible position with my fianc of over

Customer Question

I find myself in an impossible position with my fiancé of over 16 months, having been together longer than this and when not together we were always on Skype.
I have travelled back and forth every two months to USA as long as my visa would allow, In between times we wound travel to Asia, The main thing, we were together, and had so much fun,
She has an x who is the father of her children (18) her daughter who is bipolar and a son of (21) years both are students. Her x husband and I spend money for there upkeep and they both live with there mother. We are never apart for more than 8 weeks and most of my time is spent in America. We have also discussed me relocating to be with her until such time as the children are settled.
Anyway the ex is back on the scene saying, the kids want to go back with him and clearly she does not want to loose contact with them. Her bipolar daughter has threatened her, its going back with him or they don’t want to speak to her anymore. This is harsh, and it’s upsetting, and I don’t know how to cope.
I have always had a close bond with the children, but this is killing me,
I know she still loves me, she has told me many times, but she has said to me she can’t loose her family,
Clearly they want to relocate and they want her to go with them, she has told me she does not want to go really and wants to stay with me but her kids come first.
Her children have always said they want her to be happy and she has been until now, she is a very honest person and if we had problems we would talk them out, She said she will have to go with the children. She said she loves me so much but her children must come first even if it means staying with her violent ex husband. I feel she is being blackmailed by her children and husband.
We are so close, and everyone who knows us just can’t believe she is being put in this impossible position. She has told me she loves me so much but she has to be with her children.
She has asked for some space as everything is getting on top of her, and is taking antidepressants. She has promised to call me in a few days and we will talk. I have heard nothing yet but its only six days.
I am getting depressed and don’t know what to do. I want her to be happy but just feel this is an impossible position for anyone to cope with.
Can someone please help me, what should I say to her when she does call. Should I let her go? Clearly it has to be her choice.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Robert,

This sounds like a very difficult situation, and there are no easy answers. I wouldn't say so much as let her go, but to give her some time. I'm still not sure why if she follows them, she would have to go back to her husband? The children are old enough where she could live near them without living with her ex?