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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My husband and I have been together for 12 yrs. He said that

Customer Question

My husband and I have been together for 12 yrs. He said that he needs space as I have said some things to him in the past that has hurt him and he is not happy right now. He said that he loves me very much and wants our marriage to work but he needs to be a lone for a while. I think he is having an affair.By the way the things that I have said that he said made him feels this way are joking things like making fun of his manhood size and not supporting the 150 things that he starts and never finishes. I only joke about the manhood thing he is perfectly fine and he has never said anything to me to lead me to beleive that this way of joking bothered him. Do you think it is just an excuse to take away the guilt of having an affair. All I know is that I love him very much and miss him and he wants time away and I am having a hard time excepting that. What should I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

What are your ages?

What made you start joking about his manhood? What made you think it was ok?

Are those the only things you've said?

What makes you think he's having an affair?

Has either of you ever cheated?

Any other marital problems?

Has he moved out? planning to move out?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

He is 37 I am 47

I don't know why I joked about that i am just a joker . I certainly didnt mean any harm.

Pretty much except for the fact that he always starts new things and never follows through so I really find it hard to take some things seriously , like starting his own business and singing in a rock group .

I have never cheated and I dont think that he has either until now.

No he said that he doesnt want a divorce and he doesnt want to move out he just wants to come home maybe 1 or 2 days a week sort of like a trial seperation for 6mos to a yr.

On august 26th his birthday I was away to Atlantic City for acouple of days with family and he came by to suprise me because he missed me , so I cant understand how he changed that fast and that was only a little over 4 wks ago.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Please reply , I am dying here............

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi, I'm typing an answer for you now, give me a minute or two and I'll send it. :0)

Thanks, Chase
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Thank you for that additional info. It's been my experience that you never-ever joke a man's privates. You can say the nastiest things in the world, but when you say something about their privates, even joking, they take it to heart and sometimes hold it close to their heart forever. With that being said, I can understand how frustrating it is to be with someone who doesn't follow through on things, and the age difference may play a part in that. Women are usually more mature than men their own age, and sometimes even a couple of years difference in age can make a huge difference.

You said that he popped up in AC, is that what caused you to think he was cheating?
Did you ask him why such a quick change of heart in a short time?
Is this the only reason you think he's cheating?
Why did you go away on his birthday?

Where will he stay when he'll come home once or twice a week?
Are you prepared to go along with this?
Do you have children?

Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
No the reason he showed up in AC was to suprise me . He couldn't come because he had to work. He came to AC on his birthday to spend it with me. He will be staying at his mom's as far as i know. No we don't have children . I have 3 from a previous marriage and he is very close with them especially my son. He cannot produce children so I did not hold him back on that. I did ask him why the sudden change of heart and he said that he has been feeling like that for quite sometime and has now decided to act upon his feelings. I don't know if I could handle the 1-2 days a week if you think it is a good idea I will however try.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
I actually don't think it's a good idea, why would he come by only one or two days out of a seven day week?

How far is his moms house from yours?

Ms Chase and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I haven't received the answer yet. I answered the questions but as of yet have not received an answer
Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Ms. Chase,

I am desperately waiting for an answer here.His mom only lives 20 minutes away. I truly

believe that he is having an affair he says no and that he is going through whatever it is he is going through , but i think that is a copout he is just guilty and cant face me. What should I do. I do love him very much but I cant be a sucker or a pushover either.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello sweet,

Honestly, if you think he is having an affair, then it's very possible that he is. There's no sense in a married man coming home 1--2 nights a week for 6 mos to a year, that doesn't make sense to me, it seems more like he's trying to get out of the marriage without saying so, and it seems like it would make more sense that you try to work things out or go to counseling. At this point, if he won't be truthful with you, there's not much you can do aside from trying to find out for sure if he is having an affair, suggest counseling as opposed to moving out, or letting him go and seeing what happens. I definitely don't agree with him leaving the home, and especially only visiting 1-2 a week for that extended amount of time. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


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