Hello Ms Chase
Alan and I met over the Internet in 7/07. I was 78 - he was 72.
I became very interested in him mostly because of:
1) his high IQ (196 (!?) - he claimed),
2) his high appreciation of me (my intelligence, my multicultural backgroung, my successful past, etc)
3) he declared his love for me, and, turned out to be a great sex partner; he pressed for 24/7 - which I refused. We stayed often at each other's homes. He lives on SS ; I'm financially secure.
Within a month -- we began to clash big time. I was both fascinated as well as aware of the dysfunctional aspect of our clashes. But - I relished his Love and I continued to reciprocate. Never before in my life (2 marriages and several romances) did I ever have such an INTIMATE, INTENSE, RAW relationship with a man !
By Spring 2008 I realized we had no common basis of understanding reality - nor did we have a basis for communications; we weren't making any progress. By 4/2008 I gave up on the 'relationship' aspect.
We had many crisised, breakups and dramatic reunions. Eventually - my experience of stress and toxicity caused me to take a different look at this 'escapade'. I did some research; I learned he was manifesting every single symptom of a passive/aggressive personality, in addition to his addictive behavior from the past. It dawned on me that my mother was a P/A, and that I never really dealt with that deeply enough. I broke us up a week ago - after 14 months.
Now - I wonder --- what was my share in this ? Why did I stay so long ? IN WHAT WAY DID I COMPLEMENT HIS DISORDER ?
I do not regret anything: it was a GREAT LESSON to have at this point in my life ! Yet - how come I stayed so long, and so deep ? What personality traits fit so well with a P/A, and do I posses such traits ?