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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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My boyfriend has been calling gay chat lines for over six months

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My boyfriend has been calling gay chat lines for over six months all day every day. He claims he is just curious, If he is not gay or bisexual why would he deceive me lik this

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:


-What are your ages?


-When did you find this out and how?


-Do you not trust him now?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

ages-37his. 47-mine

found out July 30th. i snooped on his cell phone and called the number. Confronted him, he denied it then admitted it then promised to stop. I snooped again September7th and dug deeper and found out he had benn calling every dau all along and never stopped. I do not trust him now and I want to yet I don't know how to. I fear the relationship needs to end





Your boyfriend needs to find out what it is he wants if he wants women or men. If he hid it from you all of this time after promising that he wouldn't do it any longer then he has a real issue. It seem he is bi curious and will not get it out of his system until he deal with his feelings honestly and no longer lies to himself or you. If he was only curious when you asked him to stop he would have been able to do so but he didn't which could mean that he liked what he saw and is now obsessed with gay chat lines. You will not have him and all of him because the chat lines have a part of his attention now so either he is going to have to get rid of that curiosity by either experience a gay relationship or seeking counseling because it seems that no matter how much he tried he couldn't stop from being drawn to the gay chat lines.


His curiosity may be more than what you thought it was, the trust has been broken and now you will keep wondering if he is still calling the chat lines and talking to other guys, if he can lie to you about calling the gay chat how do you know he hasn't been meeting these guys for private meetings. You have to protect yourself and do what you think is best for you and he has to either seek help or figure it out which sex he wants a relationship with and until he can do that honestly and without lies it may be best to give him time to figure this all out and decide what it is that he wants.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX suppose this means that if he does not follow thru with the counseling he says he is going to get, I have no choice other than to break it off? How do I give him time? Not see him at all, see him less, not talk to him, how should I do this exactly? And how much time?


Allow him the time with the counselor and follow up with his progress, what I meant by giving him time was the time he needs with the counselor and be able to figure out what he wants I didn't mean break up with him or not contact him at all, he is going to need you there if anything as a friend. Give him as much time as he needs to make the decision of what he wants to do as far as this obsession with gay chat lines.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

Thank you I wish I could talk to you more but I am financially strapped and can not afford to, please email me if you want Thank you Karen

(edited for privacy)



You're welcome and if you ever need me again don't hesitate to ask for me by name.