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Im not in love with my boyfriend anymore. Ive been living

I'm not in love with...
I'm not in love with my boyfriend anymore. I've been living with him for 10 years. I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't get away from him soon. He stopped the abusive behavior and I know it's because he's seen a change in me as far as sex and the way I treat him. I'm not mean, but not overly nice either like I used to be. My problem is, how do I tell him? Our house is in my name and i can't stand the thought of battling over that. We never go anywhere or do anything. He's a homebody and I'm not. I'm 48 years old and I feel like my whole life is passing me by. How do I get out of this peacefully? I was thinking about packing up and just leaving one day when he isn't home. I just can't stand it here anymore.
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Answered in 14 minutes by:
9/19/2008
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on JustAnswer. By the way, it would help us to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Abusive how?

 

-Has he always been abusive towards you? If no, when did the abuse start?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago

We're 48 and 49.

Verbally abusive, sometimes a little rough but not recently.

Always been abusive since he started drinking again but like I said he's been better recently although he does still drink.

 

Why does he have to start being nice now that I want out of here? He does know that I love our house but I hate where we live and he knows I could go live with my daughter down south if I wanted to.

 

Customer reply replied 9 years ago

We're 48 and 49.

Verbally abusive, sometimes a little rough but not recently.

Always been abusive since he started drinking again but like I said he's been better recently although he does still drink.

 

Why does he have to start being nice now that I want out of here? He does know that I love our house but I hate where we live and he knows I could go live with my daughter down south if I wanted to.

 

Customer

 

I think he started being nice because he knows that you are on your way out and he wants to keep you there and being nicer to you in hopes that you will think that he has changed and will stay. If you want to leave the best thing for you to do is to make arrangement with your daughter to stay with her until you can get on your feet and then find your own place. If you're afraid he may do something if you tell him that you want out then the best thing is to leave while he is gone and leave him a note but if you don't think he will get physical with you then sit him down one night (when he isn't drinking) and tell him you're not happy there anymore and you think it's time for the two of you to go your separate ways, tell him you have already made arrangement to stay with your daughter if he wants to stay there at the house.

 

If you are not happy there and don't think he will change then I suggest you put everything in motion to break free from your situation if he is still drinking it's more than likely he isn't going to change much or for very long he needs to get help to figure out why he drinks so much and why he is so verbally abusive. You don't need to be with someone that isn't healthy for you or themselves it will only bring you down and it has, he will continue to degrade you and make you feel less because that is truly how he feels about himself and until he can get help for both his drinking and the abuse then he is no good for you or anyone else for that matter.

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago

As mean as he's been in the past I still can't stand hurting his feelings. I've always been like that with people and I hate it.

 

He put a second story on our house and aftwards had to go bankrupt. He blames that on me. We don't have a joint checking account and we've never used each other's credit cards. It's like room mates except we sleep together.

 

All I hear now is poor Jim, from his family. They do not know both sides of the story and I really don't feel the need to tell them. Maybe one day I'll explain it in a letter.

 

As far as the house goes, it's in my name so if I abandon it, it's considered foreclosure and from what I hear, that looks worse than bankruptcy on a credit report anyway.

 

Customer

 

I can not give you advice about legal aspect of the house because I'm not a Lawyer and for that you would have to talk to a legal expert, as far as the relationship goes you can no longer think about him and his needs and feelings because does he think about yours when he is verbally abusive and belittling you? It's time for you to worry about you now because evidently he isn't going to do that he is having self pity for himself and his family does not help matters. If you own the house it may be time for you to talk to a legal representative about your options if you could sign the house over to him and start over or if you can make him move out and get someone to share the house and expenses, would you like to talk to a Legal expert with JustAnswer?

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago

No, I don't think I'll need a legal expert because in all fairness he does deserve half of whatever we wind up getting out of this house which won't be much due to this wonderful economy.

 

I work from home for an online retailer and have been for about 4 years. I'm lucky for that because my job is "portable" and my boss already said he'd pay to have the new phone lines hooked up wherever I wind up going.

 

I guess my biggest problem is how do I approach him? I know it's not going to be easy. It's really going to hurt him and I'll probably cry and from what I've heard, that's not good to do. I feel like just getting my things together over the new couple of weeks and then just leaving this all behind.

Customer

 

That may be best to do with this situation because if you tell him face to face and then cry when you see him upset this may give him false hope that you are crying because you really don't want to do this and then he will not realize that you are serious and only upset because you had to hurt someone you had a history with, if you do decide to leave that way then make sure when you are getting the last of your things that you write him a letter explain why you had to do this. I am just afraid that if you tell him it's over face to face that it may turn violent. If you have a male friend that can be with you when you get your things just in case I would have them come with you. Just make sure you have some place to go when you decide to leave. When you do leave give him the option of either buying you out of your half or selling the house and giving him half.

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
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