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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Ms. Chase, I need your help and this time even more. I will

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Ms. Chase, I need your help and this time even more. I will try to accept your answers this time. This isCustomerand this is about the same guy as before. Anyway he wound up breaking up with me in March due to his kids mom threatening us with harrassment if he didn't. She said I better not call the house for him or come to the house for him. Anyway we were broke up for 5 weeks because of her. In April we ran in to each other at a place called career link. I lost my job that day and he was laid off from his job a week before. We became a couple again. Things were going good, he even told my uncle (his best friend) that he loves me he'd just have to work Physco out of his life. He told me and my uncle twice. And then next thing you know in a few weeks he's worried she'll take him for child support if he leaves the house and comes with me. We still kept seeing each other but not as often as we'd like to because of this woman living in his home. She was abusive to him, just like my husband was to me. Anyway he came in August to my house, we made love among other things. Then I got what I thought(at first) was a bladder infection, I went to the doctors and they said they think it's genital herpes, so I went back the next day and got a blood test and a culture. My boyfriend showed up on Monday, I was at the hospital doctor on Fri. and Sat. he saw my car but told Physco it wasn't mine( her mom's in there with blood clots and may possibly die soon). I was in so much pain I took the day off of work the Mon he showed up. He came in and I had to be the bearer of bad news that my doctors are saying it looks like I got herpes ( I only ever had sex with him and my ex-husband, that was 4 years ago)so the doctor said it had to come from him not my ex. Well know it's been a little over a month since he came to my house and about 4o some days since we made love. It's like I don't exist now. I saw him on the road and tried to get him to stop he kept driving. Is he in denial, shock, scared or what I don't understand but I WANT HIM BACK, ALL I COULD DO WAS LEAVE A NOTE ON HIS VAN WHILE PHYSCO WAS AT WORK. I tried to get him to pull over after dropping Physco off at work and I know he knows it was me, I yelled please pull over so we can talk, he wound up losing me. My uncle said he's done that to him before too and then showed up at his house and said oh that was you like he did not know. Another thing that has happened is my uncle and him have not spoken for over 3 months, he says he needs a break from my uncle. He's done this to him before too. They have known each other since they were kids.The last time they ran into each other that's how they started hanging out again. My uncle said he started it not him so he's not calling him. No one can call him anyway because miss Physco has another phone hooked up upstairs and listens in on all his conversations.Last time he was at my house he kept saying everytime I asked him that he still loves me and I thought for sure he'd be back for my results, he never came back. I don't understand, he even said he thinks he should get tested, I said yes so you can get medicine and hopefully never have one of these outbreaks, I was in so much pain I kept crying, I could barely make it upstairs to the bathroom and could hardly go once I got there or it burned so much if I did go. It was very scary and I told him I was scared. I had a hard time telling him but I did, I even said diabetes or asthma or pregnancy are less common than this, I wished it were one of those instead. The note I left on his van said I deserve answers and I love him and miss him and I forgive him even though I know he didn't do this on purpose, maybe he is in shock or denial or something, he needs to see his doctor to see how long he had it, it must be from Physco. Or my uncle said it could be from a hooker while we were not together. I was trying not to tell my uncle or anyone but I felt so rejected the day he ran from me that I broke down and told him, he's helped me so much since 2007 when my kids were taken away ( that's another story).How can I get through to my boyfriend? How can I even talk to him? I wish I could write a letter but then Physco would probably see it, I was thinking I would try to get in contact with his 28 year old son and see if he could help me just don't tell him about the herpes. I don't know what to do but I really love him and want him to come back. I thought he really loved me but he's not acting like he does not. Last Monday I saw him going in his house and he shook his head when I said come to my house, he never did as far as I know but the gate was opened and the note was moved this happened the following Wed and Fri. This also happened another time a while back he took the note and left, my neighbors were being really nosy he said. He doesn't make phone calls he just shows up, he doesn't even write notes. He said we'd get married someday and be able to spend more time together. I really could use his support right now and love. I will soon have to move out of my house bankruptcy ( DIVORCE). I hope he gets tested and comes to his senses but I don't know how on his unemployment, he has no medical coverage right now and the government won't let him get their help.Please answer my question I can barely sleep at night this really bothers me and I don't know if I will ever be able to talk to him again, kiss him, hug him or spend time with him. I really love him. Thank you very much. I almost forgot something else, I was driving minding my own business yesterday and he went past ( lots of vans like his, I think it was him) , I didn't want to pass him so I turned the other direction, to give him a taste of his own meds, my uncle said he may think I am turning around to chase him, I SHOULD HAVE GONE STRAIGHT. Please give me answers. Thank you.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

I think what you have to start out with is the fact that he's not your boyfriend. You're not facing reality by continuing to call him your boyfriend, when he is obviously not interested in committing to being with you. He can use the excuse that he doesn't want his kids mother to do anything to him, but the most she could do is give him a hard time in court, not prevent him from seeing his kids. People pay child support all the time, why is this such and issue with him? The fact is, it takes two people to create a relationship and be in person cannot create a relationship. Now you have to deal with a disease that you don't know if he knew he had it when he slept with you, its definitely possible. For every reason you give him to be with you, he makes and excuse not to be with you. At some point you have to accept that he's not willing to be the man you want or need him to be.

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
MS. Chase, You didn't really answer parts of my question. Do you think the reason he has abandoned me is because he could be in shock, fear and denial? The last time he was at my house was when I told him the doctors think my infection may be herpes. Then that 1 day he says he will come but didn't then that other time he drove away like he is scared. I saw him driving with his daughter a few days ago, I think I heard a faint beep. I just gave him a dirty look. I don't understand he's the one that did this to me. I wrote him another note in code words so physco doesn't figure it out concerning this stuff. What can I do now? I guess just pray.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I ran out of time on the computer the other day, I HAVE MORE TO ADD. sHOULDN'T he be feeling guilt at what he's done to me? This isn't really my fault, being a Christian woman I really shouldn't have made love to him until marriage but he's the one that gave this to me. I think since he says he has no symptoms that he's in denial. I think if he got past this that he will come back to me. If (I'm praying) he does, he will have to change and ask me to marry him and get rid of this woman. My uncle drove by his house last night it wasn't my idea, he was not home he talked to his neighbor. The guy said he's getting a new truck driving job in Oct., his son (28) still lives there, physco is still working. Maybe once he starts working he will have plenty of time in his travels to think more about the situation and realize like before how much he really loves me. If God can bring him back before he can certainly do it again nothing's, impossible with God. Thank you.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Ms. Chase could you please respond. Thank you.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi Scamage,

It could be that since he doesn't have symptoms, that he thinks he didn't give it to you, but that you may have gotten it from somewhere else. Although men don't say it, if you sleep with them without protection or without being married, they will think that you do it with other people too. Or, he knows he has it, but didn't expect that you would get it. Or worse of all he knew he had it and didn't care if you got it. He's really treating you like dirt, and he's still with this other woman. It doesn't seem that he is feeling guilt over what has happened, he's simply moving on with his life. There's nothing wrong with hoping that he comes back, but you have to prepare yourself in the event that he doesn't.

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