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Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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me an my husband will be married 4 years this dec. we have

Customer Question

me an my husband will be married 4 years this dec. we have a 4 yr old and a 3 year old and fight all the time. we want things to work out so we stay together. He acts very childish and thinks of sex all the time. he will touch me in front of kids and now kids are picking it up. what can we do to stay together
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 8 years ago.



What all are you fighting about?


When you get into these fights how long before you end up making up?


What are the kids doing that makes you think they are picking up on his actions?


Is your intimate life been effected or has it slowed down any?


Any other issues that are bothering you?



Customer: replied 8 years ago.
we fight over everything weather its sex or him helping me around the house. he would rather watch cartoons or play ps2 than play with his kids or help me out. the kids have starting grabbing my boob and smacking my butt. we fight for hours. i get to the point of smashing my laptop into wall . our intimite life has slowed way down cause he dont seem to care about me so i dont want to do anything with him.
Expert:  Walter replied 8 years ago.



Welcome to the rut of marriage and take a deep breath and tell yourself it will be OK Laughing


OK all kidding aside, it sounds like you and your husband have fallen into a rut. The good news is this is a temporary fix and if you are both willing to work on it you can get past this. I will tell you that marriage is a roller coaster will have your ups and downs good runs and bad runs. Marriage is never going to be easy or will it always come out right everyday. Its about work.....and both partners must work in order to keep it going. There will be days when you feel like you hate him, and there will be days when you know you love him. That is a real relationship. All to often todays society would like us to believe that love is simple and will carry you though everything.........thats a load of crap. Love and work will get you over everything.


The first step is to sit down and decide what you really want out of your marriage. What you need out of your husband and what you need out of yourself. Then keep in mind that your husband has needs as well........he needs a little him time to play his games or watch TV. Keep this in mind when you decide what you want out of him.


Now the second step is to find a sitter for a few hours.....if this is not a possibility let your husband know that after the kids are in bed you both are going to sit down and have a conversation. When you do the sit down with him let him know that the relationship is beginning to suffer and you want to talk about what needs to be done to get it back on track. Let him know that you are not perfect either you can make examples of the things you can do better at. (Try to be honest and find a couple areas you could have some improvement in). Explain to him what you are planning on doing to make these changes that you want to work on. Then bring up the issues you are having with him and why they are a issue.


Such as the touching you in front of the kids. Explain to him that while you love the attention, the kids are taking this wrongly and once they start school or preschool should they act like this you could be looking at school suspensions as well as lawsuits (I know the world has gotten crazy...but it is a issue). Explain to him that the amount of time he spends with the kids is important and that while you understand he has needs to relax to the reality is being a parent means there is less "Me" time and more family time. Ask him if he could set limits of the games and TV. The best way to do this is to set a specific time for his time with the children. (Like around 5pm he takes the kids to the park or plays games with them while you make dinner without chasing the kids) This will give him time with the kids and give you time to do dinner. If he helps with dinner consider switching out with night he does dinner while you take the kids and the next he takes a turn).


As for the sex, I know it is hard to get yourself in the mood when he is not being very considerate........the good news is many men become more considerate when their needs are met. I am not saying it is right or wrong, but it is a reality that men can be jerks when they are frustrated in the bedroom. Your marriage isn't all about Sex but the fact is Sex is a big issue in a relationship. Intimacy should not be a job it should be something you both share. Let him know why you are not feeling it lately and ask him if he can step up and help out some. But understand if he steps up his should as well.


Consider setting up more romantic times with candles and make it more of a You and Him thing then a duty you must preform. In the end if you both can not get the satisfaction you are looking for in the bedroom as well as out of the bedroom you are looking at serious problems down the road.


I would also suggest setting up a appointment with a marriage counselor. I know this seems to much but the reality is a counselor can help you both learn how to communicate with each other and solve these problems together.



Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Expert:  Walter replied 8 years ago.
If you need anything please let me know, I wish you and your family the best!