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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Im missing the boat..I am a 37 year old gay male in Phoenix,

Resolved Question:

Im missing the boat..I am a 37 year old gay male in Phoenix, but lately I cant even get anyone to talk to me...Makes me feel like the scurge of the world as I feel I have lots to offer. I am educated and very nice, but guys today I guess arent looking for what I have to offer...Any suggestions?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Tj,

Where do you go to meet men?

What's the gay scene like in Phoenix?

When is the last time you were in a relationship?

What kind of work do you do?

Have you ever looked online?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you for taking my question...

I am not really into the bar scene..I try to meet people mostly online as I work at home some and that is the easiest way..To be honest I have never been in a serious relationship, I am attracted to men my age or a little younger (25 Yrs old min)

I am a construction project manager for CB Richard Ellis..Have a BS in engineering and an MBA..

I am an average looking guy, but not extremely overweight
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello TJ

You're most welcome :) How has been meeting people online been working out?

Have you gone out with anyone you met online?

Do you have a personal ad? If so where do you have your ad (site)?

You mentioned overweight, do you feel that's an issue?

You never told me what the scene is like in Phoenix? is there a gay scene there? any gay clubs or organizations?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Meeting online has been so-so people use to talk to me online, but they dont much anymore...
I have gone out with a couple of guys, first date, no seconds.I guess I am not all that exciting to people...I dont drive fast cars, I spend all day at a desk behind a computer with budgets etc.

Personal ads on Manhunt and with face pics so everyone knows what I look like

I think my weight and my age is an issue..I have been as heavy at 200lbs at 5'10" I am currently at 177lbs from going to the gym regularly..My facial structure I think makes me look tired(droopy eyes)

There is a scene, but as I said before I am not really into the bars and clubs..
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello TJ

There's a couple of issues here obviously. The weight is a so- issue because there are people who will accept you for who you are, even if you are a few pounds overweight. You should consider using full body pics in your ad as well as face pics. If you like, I can take a look at your ad to see how you are coming across to people. You can cut and paste here or send it [email protected] and ask them to send it to me.

Being attracted to younger guys can be an issue if you are passing up older men for them. Everyone wants a hard bodied young hottie, but I'm not sure there are enough to go around (smile). Consider other single sites or boards, like, and maybe going out twice a month to a bar or club, even just with a friend for a drink or two. This alone can widen possibilities, but do NOT go with the expectation of meeting someone, only go with the expectation to have a great drink with your friend, have a good time and come home....if you meet someone thats just an extra perk.

If you can afford it, perhaps you should look into having work done on your eyes. If it's nothing drastic, how expensive could it be? And even something as small as an eye lift could make all the difference in the world. Beef up you ads, add some new pics, go out to a gay establishment once or twice a month, and do what you feel you need physically. It may not happen immediately, but when we make changes, things around us change. There is someone out there who is willing to love you the way you need to be loved, you just have to make it easier for him to find you.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you Chase, I will see if I can paste the ad and a picture or two here so you can see what I am putting out there... And yes some young hardbody who adores us all would be nice, but they, I have found, tend to be all about themselves and not the friendliest people in the world...I like younger guys as they seem not to be quite as set in their ways..Plus I am somewhat or a nurturing soul so smile at me with puppy dog eyes and thats it I'm hooked...hahaha..

***********************Ad Below********************************
Nice smart Tempe guy seeks similar my age or younger

36 year old professional sane/stable/employed, HWP guy in search of a similar younger HWP guy You must be clean, D&D free, non smoker ...I love to travel, work on home improvement projects and love younger motivated/sane/stable guys

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hi TJ,

You can send the pictures [email protected], "Att Lori" and ask her to send it to me (Chase)

Let me know when you send it so I can look out for it

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Chase- I sent some pitures to you...Thanks for your help again
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Maybe it's because my brother has puppy dog eyes like that....but I think you're a good looking man. You should be more confident in your looks, you are not bad looking at all. I don't think you should do anything to your eyes, but cosmetic surgery is definitely an option you could consider if you felt strongly about it.. The fact is, even very unattractive people can find a mate, so it doesn't have as much to do with looks as we like to think. It has a bit to do with what you're actually are looking for (sex vs relationship), and what people 'think' you are looking for. If you say, "I'm looking for a relationship", but you're only looking at the young hardbodies, then people are going to think you're looking for sex. It all about perception, and your actions. Also, a lot to do with your confidence in yourself. If you are not very confident in your worth and ability to make someone happy, you won't come across that way. Also, sometimes its good to have the mentality that it doesn't matter if you find a mate, because you can make yourself happy....if you find someone, well, thats just icing on the cake. If you really do that...make yourself would be surprised how people will become more attracted to you.

If I were to make any changes to your ad, I would take out the younger and put actual ages, (25-40 or whatever you desire). You say younger three times in this ad...its possible it will turn off younger guys because its so obvious, and definitely turn of older guys, who you are saying you don't want.

I think you might want to say a little more about yourself, and add a personal touch to it, it's a little cold and formal. Another thing when placing personal ads, is not to answer other people's ads, only go out with the people who respond to your ad (if you are interested in going out with them). This ensures that the other person is at least somewhat attracted to you, because they answered your ad.

Again, you should meet up with friends at least once or twice a month and go out to a club or a bar, or even an art show, dinner, or a particular gay-oriented event. You can find out about events by looking up gay event calenders for your city, yahoo groups for your area, etc. Let me know if you want to talk more


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