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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:
-What are your ages?
-How long have you and the ex been apart?
-How long did you know your current husband before you got married?Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.
My husband is 25 and both me and my ex are 22. We were actually in the hospital together when we were born. I have been apart from my ex for about 3 and a half years. I met my husband about 6 months after I broke up with my ex so we have been together about 3 years and married for 6 months.
You have to ask yourself if you want to possibly give up your good marriage for someone you haven't seen in three years who may have changed and may not be the person you knew then. I think you should be honest with you husband about your feelings if you can not get them out of your head and be honest with yourself about who you really want it sounds as though you really want to see where the feelings with the ex could you lead you but you will be really taking a chance. When you get married you make a vow to love, honor and cherish your husband which means forsaking all others (including exes) What would you do if you ex came to you and told you he may still have feeling for his ex? I'm sure it would hurt to hear something like that so maybe you should consider your husband's feelings also.
It's just the fact that your husband is away and you are feeling lonely and the fact that your ex contacted you and has stayed in contact with you makes you feel like you have someone to keep you company and to talk to you. I think your loneliness is clouding your judgment and that you are feeling bad for even having these feelings because your husband is a great man which brings me back to what if the ex has changed and not for the better? He is your ex for a reason! Don't blow you marriage because of a maybe. It may not be a good idea to keep in contact with the ex because of your feelings you have to give your marriage a fair chance without outside interference.
Tell the ex that you are married now and that you do not want to throw your marriage away if that is truly how you feel but if you think that you want the ex back you will have to be completely honest with your husband and then find closure in the marriage if that is what you want after you have done that you will have to (the ex) get to know him all over again and make sure that you are not leaving your marriage for the past.
You're right you can't just leave him or your marriage without giving it a fair chance you don't want to look back at your life and think that you possibly gave up a good man (Your husband) that loves and cherishes you, don't end up living with regrets this is why you have to take this time and weigh your options maybe sit down and write what is good and bad about each man and see where that leads you. Just make sure that if you choose the ex that you are honest with your husband he deserves that much. I think it's because he is gone so much and you moved somewhere where you have no friends or family and your loneliness is clouding your judgment. That is why I said you shouldn't contact the ex why your husband is gone, it's like he fills a void that your husband can not fill right now and this is another reason (beside the past) why you are so hung up on him.
Just give yourself some time and then when you husband comes home see how things are then give about 6 months after he returns and after that six month you still feel this way it may be time to talk to your husband and tell him how you have been feeling but I really think that this may be due to the fact that you are alone right now and you may feel like the ex is all you have right now.
It's going to be hard because you both harbor feelings for each other there are lines in marriage you don't cross and that is to talk to someone you think you have feelings for the more the two of you talk the more you are going to have feelings for him and those feelings are getting stronger the more you talk to him and that is why you are finding it hard to just keep it at friends. You really need to be honest with your husband about you talking to this guy so that you don't have any secrets. Use this time with your husband and not your ex, you're only asking for trouble if you continue to talk to this guy because your feelings are getting stronger and stronger.