Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

I got married 6 months ago to a wonderful man I had been with

Customer Question
for two years. Right after...
I got married 6 months ago to a wonderful man I had been with for two years. Right after we got married he left for army basic training. While he was gone I found my ex online and began talking to him quite a bit and then talking to him on the phone. He was the first person I ever fell in love with and we had a very strong love for each other and a deep connection to one another. We were young at that time though and didn't know how to handle a relationship so strong at the time so we fell apart. We had completely lost contact until I had found him after my husband left. I love my husband very much but I don't have the connection with him that I had and still have with my ex. I don't want to get a divorce because he is a wonderful person and I do love him but I can't stop thinking about my ex and I feel like I would rather be with him sometimes
Submitted: 9 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 55 minutes by:
9/8/2008
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
Verified

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you and the ex been apart?

 

-How long did you know your current husband before you got married?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago

My husband is 25 and both me and my ex are 22. We were actually in the hospital together when we were born. I have been apart from my ex for about 3 and a half years. I met my husband about 6 months after I broke up with my ex so we have been together about 3 years and married for 6 months.

Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago

 

Customer

 

You have to ask yourself if you want to possibly give up your good marriage for someone you haven't seen in three years who may have changed and may not be the person you knew then. I think you should be honest with you husband about your feelings if you can not get them out of your head and be honest with yourself about who you really want it sounds as though you really want to see where the feelings with the ex could you lead you but you will be really taking a chance. When you get married you make a vow to love, honor and cherish your husband which means forsaking all others (including exes) What would you do if you ex came to you and told you he may still have feeling for his ex? I'm sure it would hurt to hear something like that so maybe you should consider your husband's feelings also.

 

It's just the fact that your husband is away and you are feeling lonely and the fact that your ex contacted you and has stayed in contact with you makes you feel like you have someone to keep you company and to talk to you. I think your loneliness is clouding your judgment and that you are feeling bad for even having these feelings because your husband is a great man which brings me back to what if the ex has changed and not for the better? He is your ex for a reason! Don't blow you marriage because of a maybe. It may not be a good idea to keep in contact with the ex because of your feelings you have to give your marriage a fair chance without outside interference.

 

Tell the ex that you are married now and that you do not want to throw your marriage away if that is truly how you feel but if you think that you want the ex back you will have to be completely honest with your husband and then find closure in the marriage if that is what you want after you have done that you will have to (the ex) get to know him all over again and make sure that you are not leaving your marriage for the past.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
My husband was gone for four months and i thought about leaving him when he came back but i realized i shouldn't just give up and i thought maybe i felt that way just because he had been gone. I didn't talk to my ex then because i wanted to try and see how i felt about my husband. Since then though I still wish I was with my ex. You're right though my ex defnitely has changed in 3 years but it's for the better. This is so hard because I feel like I love them both. My husband is in the army though and we just moved across the country and i can't just leave him here with no one.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago

 

Customer

 

You're right you can't just leave him or your marriage without giving it a fair chance you don't want to look back at your life and think that you possibly gave up a good man (Your husband) that loves and cherishes you, don't end up living with regrets this is why you have to take this time and weigh your options maybe sit down and write what is good and bad about each man and see where that leads you. Just make sure that if you choose the ex that you are honest with your husband he deserves that much. I think it's because he is gone so much and you moved somewhere where you have no friends or family and your loneliness is clouding your judgment. That is why I said you shouldn't contact the ex why your husband is gone, it's like he fills a void that your husband can not fill right now and this is another reason (beside the past) why you are so hung up on him.

 

Just give yourself some time and then when you husband comes home see how things are then give about 6 months after he returns and after that six month you still feel this way it may be time to talk to your husband and tell him how you have been feeling but I really think that this may be due to the fact that you are alone right now and you may feel like the ex is all you have right now.

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
My husband isn't gone anymore though. He's been back for almost 3 months. I stopped talking to my ex for a while so I could try to figure things out. We started talking again though and we're trying to at least be friends but it's hard.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question
KimberlyF
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
750 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com

KimberlyF is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
I would like to know something. My wife of 35 yrs received a
my wife of 35 yrs received a very intimate necklace fro m anoth er women and she told her she was drawing inspiration from her just by wearing it what does that mean … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Mine is a pretty tricky but story. So I met this guy on
Hi Debra, Mine is a pretty tricky but long story. So I met this guy on Tinder, he was lovely. Our first date was amazing... we spoke for three weeks 24/7 before actually meeting up. There was an insta… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood swings. He is about to start a new job at a branch of Verizon (used to work at another branch) so we were talking in the car and he said he ha… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex,
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex, I kept texting him till he said leave me alone and then broke up with me.. can I get him back … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love him dearly, well on Tuesday something happened when I was texting one of my guy friends I didn't physically cheat on him, and there was no … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6
Jen, I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6 weeks. We see each other twice a week. He deeply cares for me and loves me. I also have love for him. I struggle with his immaturity. So… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
While telling me he is in love with someone else, he says he
While telling me he is in love with someone else, he says he cares about me. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and
I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and cuddle clubs. Is this a bad idea to be touching someone who you don't know and have no specific reason to care about? My wife and I experience… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
56 satisfied customers
I found out my time boyfriend had a nine month affair with
I found out my long time boyfriend had a nine month affair with younger girl at work..fell in love with her and wanted to start a life..I contacted new girlfriend (who did not know about me..she fille… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I have a question that pertains to compromising in a
Hi,I have a question that pertains to compromising in a marriage. I'll start by saying when I meant my wife I was open to moving out of state. We got married and last year my company relocated to NC f… read more
P. Simmons
P. Simmons
Attorney
Doctoral Degree
35,283 satisfied customers
I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's
Hello, I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's side. Some of the nieces are my age or older, so it is not as if we have had a history together. They were already adults when we me… read more
Schuyler
Schuyler
1,944 satisfied customers
I have a question that pertains to compromising in a
Hi, I have a question that pertains to compromising in a marriage. I'll start by saying when I meant my wife I was open to moving out of state. We got married and last year my company relocated to NC … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I'm going to try and make this as short as i can. So about 3
OK so i'm going to try and make this as short as i can. So about 3 and a half months ago me and my girlfriend of a year broke up. The reason being was i cheated on her, i didn't meet up with anyone, k… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have no mother in law experience for various reasons and
I have no mother in law experience for various reasons and am in my mid 50s. Do I need help?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I need to apologize to the love of my life. Im a gay man I
Im a gay man I hurt my boyfriends feeling repeatedly … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My guy friend says he doesn't deserve me. But then tells me
My guy friend says he doesn't deserve me. But then tells me he's afraid of losing me. He tells me I'm around too much then when I leave says stay. He's nice and cinsuferste one day then the next he's … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My long-time partner has never gotten over the fact that I
My long-time partner has never gotten over the fact that I had prior sexual experience. I used to think it was insecurity on his part but he honestly hasn't been able to become aroused by me since fin… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
How are you? I have been in a relationship with a 50 year
I have been in a relationship with a 50 year old woman. She seamed all into one me butt she started to get flakey. She didn't show up a couple of times. I asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no. We have stopped seeing each other and I keep texting. She reading them and sometimes replies. It's almost like she don't respect me. What do I do? … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x