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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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My companions forty year old daughter is not accepting of

Resolved Question:

My companion's forty year old daughter is not accepting of our relationship and her husband is a 'hot head'....   So, I dread visiting with them. However, my companion wants me with him when he visits them and their children (ages eight and five) at their home. How can this situation best be handle?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

 

-Why doesn't she approve of your relationship?

 

-What do you mean by hot head? violent, verbal abuse, mean?

 

-How long have you been together?


-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Thank you for your prompt reply and concern. I believe his daughter doesn't approve of our relationship because her mother (who has alzhiemer's) now lives in a nursing home - and she is angry about that because she wants her father to take care of her mother himself at home, which he did for over four years but she was getting worse and he was getting too depressed. I describe her husband as a 'hot head' because he bursts out in anger when you least suspect concerning insignificant issues. For example, when my companion gave his daughter a figurine (from our house) her husband reprimanded him for not asking his permission first.

We have been living together for a little more than a year now.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

 

Customer

 

It seems like a stressful decision for you and that you are torn between making you companion happy and not having his daughter hate you or him even more. Maybe you could suggest getting a hotel and still going that way if things don't go well you have a place to go so that you don't have to feel obligated to stay where you are not welcome but just look at this opportunity as a way to possibly bond with the daughter and show her you are not a bad person and that you did not take her father from her mother. If the daughter wants her father to be happy then she should accept whomever he chooses to love and care for and that her father doesn't judge her husband or give her problems about her hot headed husband who gets mad over a figurine.

 

It is going to take some time for his daughter to get used to the fact that the father has moved on and it doesn't mean that he doesn't love her mother any less but he just realize that the mother is only here in body and not mind and it was getting to be too much for him and it wasn't healthy for him physically or mentally. Allow the daughter some time to adjust that may be all she needs but if your companion would rather stay with the daughter just try to make the best of the visit and talk to the daughter and allow her to get to know the real you and not the person she thinks you are. She may not be angry at you but the fact that she no longer has her mother to go to for advice and to get advice from her and that she is just putting her anger towards you because she has no one else to be angry with.

 

You have to start some where and maybe this visit will be the answer to your prays and you will surprisingly get along but if she is standoffish then just give it time this is fairly a new relationship compared to the years he was married to her mother she will realize that her father is happy with you and then she will become more accepting because she wants her father to be happy but if it doesn't work out that way then the father might just have to love his daughter from a far and live and let live. Just give it a chance you may be surprised as to how things go.

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