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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Hi, my ex made contact with me a month ago by text, two weeks

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Hi, my ex made contact with me a month ago by text, two weeks later we spent 3 hours on the phone, instigated by him - he said he missed talking to me, offered to come fix my wardrobe, flirted with me, etc... said he'd call re meeting up and then, two weeks later, I've heard nothing... what does this mean? He's not someone to make contact just to make himself feel good, he's gentle, loving and, i think, scared - what do I do? I don't want to hound him, but don't know whether to wait for him to make next contact, or just call him myself as I would a friend... any ideas??
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Hetty,

How long were the two of you together? How long have you known each other?

What are your ages?

Why did you split?

Is he involved with someone else?

Before the text contact, had you spoken?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
He is 46 and I'm 48, he's a part-time, very loving father of an 11yr old daughter (her mother is alcoholic and he is very protective of her - I never met her)... we were together for 6 months and both felt like we had known each other before. As far as I know he is not, and has not been, involved with anyone else since we split - I still can't work out why we split, we both cried when it happened - he doesnt open up easily but seemed to want to, he kept asking me to ask him questions on the night it happened (he seemed to get more distant as we got closer, if that makes sense). We had been back in contact a few months ago, but it disappeared. I heard nothing for 6 months, then he tried getting in touch a few times before we ended up talking... I don't know what to do - i love him to bits but don't want to put any pressure on him....
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
It sounds like he's the one putting the pressure on you. You say you don't know why you split? Who broke up with who?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Hi, thank you for your patience! It was me who broke it off with him - he had said a couple of times in the last month that he didn't want to be in a relationship... but when I asked why he couldn't tell me... I tried to get him to talk but he said he didn't know how. I suggested asking him questions with 'yes or no' answers and he readily agreed. He ended up saying he thought i felt more for him than he did for me... I felt I had to walk away to keep my dignity, but as I left we kept holding each other and both cried. For 6 weeks afterwards I made no contact, but ended up sending him a text asking how he was - he called the next night and we talked for 2 hours.. I say talk, we have great fun, but both of us find it hard to open up to each other. It's like we both want to but I know for me I'm scared of getting hurt again. I have two grown children myself and would have no problem taking his daughter on - but like i said, he kept us apart.. I do understand his being so protective of her, but I don't know what to do now. Towards the end of our relationship, it was me making most of the contact and I don't want to get back into the 'old habits' again, without talking things through with him - I'm lost!!
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Am I still here? Sorry, but broadband connection playing up!....
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Hetty,

I find that when people tell you that they do not want to get into a relationship, they mean it. Thats the time to walk away because they have actually let you know up front that they are not going to get into a relationship, and no matter what transpires after that, they can always say that they told you from the beginning that they didn't want a relationship. You are both past the age where he can't talk, or express his feelings, or you have to play question/answer games with him to know what he's thinking. Don't you think that was a sign that he's just not ready to be involved with someone. Perhaps he does care, and he does want to spend time with you, but if he does, he'll feel like he's falling right into what he said he didn't want. The fact that he doesn't call, open or spend time with you only makes that fact clearer. I agree that you shouldn't fall back into calling him, if he wants to be with you, he'll call and he'll make the effort to be with you, and if he doesn't why should you? There is someone out there who will be willing to love you the way you need to be loved, instead of making you work very hard just to get a handle on their feelings. I think in this case, you've got to back off and let it go. If he calls you, thats one polite and talk, but as far as continuing to go after something he's repeatedly said he doesn't want is futile. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


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Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Thank you for being honest with me, Chase. I think I was sort of thinking along the same lines, even if with my heart I would hope for more. All you say is true - and if he really wants me, he'll contact me.. For now, I have my answer and it, suprisingly, sits well. I may be in contact again in the future, but for now, thank you for your wise advice.
Hetty X
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

My mother used to say that the cure is always bitter. I held my breath for your response because i didn't really know what to expect, but I had to be honest with how I thought, and thats how I deal with all of my clients, to do less would be a disservice. I know it's not easy, but you sound like a strong woman, I think you'll be fine, and when that person comes along, who really does care for you, you won't have to ask me what he's thinking, believe me. (smile) I'm always here, feel free to request me by name, anytime you want to talk.



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