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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Why do men cheat on their wives after 27 years of marriage

Resolved Question:

Why do men cheat on their wives after 27 years of marriage
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Is this your marriage?

How long have you been together? married? are you still together?

How did you find out?

Are you both trying to work things out?

What are your ages?

Has he said why he cheated?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
No note for me. My wife left me last year after 37 years of marriage for many reasons. I have since met a womderful woman whose husband left her for his secretary. She had been married 27 years and is 49 years old with 2 grown children. He is an attorney and she was a housewife. She is beautiful and intelligent. He said she was fat and ugly and had let herself go and he met her at the door one day and said good bye and is in a relationship with his young sexy beautiful secretary and had been for about 8 years while he was married. She wants to know what she did/did not do to cause this divorce. So to help her i am asking for several of my friends.....why do men find another woman when married and why would he value his mistress over his 27 year relationship with his wife?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Unfortunately, there is no real answer. Many times people get married and after 20 years, they are no longer the same person they were when they got married. Perhaps their job, or their family or any life circumstances could cause them to be different than what they may have started out as.

The fact is, he would have told her anything to make her believe that what he did was her fault, when in fact it wasn't. He was the cheater, he was the liar, and he had to come up with an excuse for his poor behavior. It's possible he had been cheating on her far before that. There is no reason for her to blame herself for someone else's ignorance and deception....although I'm sure what he said hurt her. We can't be responsible when someone lies to us and we believe them, that is called trust and he destroyed that trust.

He will most likely cheat on this new woman, or karma will play a part and she will eventually cheat on him. As hard as it may be, she will have to move on with her life, and try to put him out of her mind. He is the one in the wrong, not her, he is the liar, not her, she can walk away knowing that she stayed faithful and true to her marriage. She's lucky to have found you, you seem so thoughtful and sweet. This is what she needs to focus on now, and not give her ex another precious second of her life. She is welcome to post here as well if she wants to talk to me. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

All the best

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
This experience of deception has left her in fear of another relationship.....I am not sure you told me why men cheat...because I don't want her fearful of our relationship....was it boredom,sex,middle life there a common reason more likely
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
It understandable that she would be fearful. All that means is that you will have to show her that you mean her no harm. This means that it may take longer than a 'normal' relationship to get close to her. You'll have to let her know, maybe more than once, that you are not her husband, and you should not have to pay for the things he did wrong. If she is going to blame you, then she should blame you for things you do, not what someone else has done.

Men cheat for a multitude of reasons.....yes, an upgrade on the one they are with....grass looking greener on the other side....mid life crisis.....selfishness. Too many reasons to count. Being in a relationship for more than a couple of years takes hard work and dedication. Unfortunately, this can become lost in the everyday struggle with work, kids, the mortgage, the bills. Again, the biggest thing she needs to realize is, it's not her fault. He is responsible for what he did, not her.

Let me know if you want to talk more.

Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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