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I was recently engaged to the love of my life, but I put on

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I was recently engaged to...
I was recently engaged to the love of my life, but I "put on a show" but purposely making her mad at me so she wouldn't want to marry me, But the only reason I did it was that I was scared on how we will live and how will i support her. I did it out of doubt.... Keep in mind she's the only one I've ever been engaged to or in love with.... But now that I have straightened out my priorities, well, I want her back, just I don't know how... She says she's happy that she is still my best friend, but her mom, dad, and friends tell me she misses me alot... and I told her what I did for us not to be married.... but she still misses me.. what can or should I do to get the love of my life back?
Submitted: 9 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 16 minutes by:
8/24/2008
Counselor: Walter, Relationship Mentor replied 9 years ago
Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11,528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Verified

Hello,

 

If you could answer some questions maybe I can help.

 

What did you do? (The show)

 

How long ago was this?

 

When you ask her if she still loves you what does she say?

 

Is she involved with some one else?

 

Do you still want to marry her?

 

What is her age and your age?

 

Walter

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago

The show - I basically told her when I got back from my training for the job I am to perform in the military, that I was to meet up with my ex and hang out... But it was never planned between me and my ex to hang out, I was just saying that to get my ex-fiance mad so she wouldnt marry me cause I was scared...

 

It was about 5 months ago...

 

She does love me, but also says she wouldnt want to lose me as a best friend

 

She is currently not seeing anyone else...

 

Yes, I would love to marry her, cause now I'm not scared...

 

We are both 19, I know, a little young.... But she has been a big part of my life for 7 years now...

Counselor: Walter, Relationship Mentor replied 9 years ago

Hello,

 

19 is young to commit to life, so it is understandable why you were afraid. Though the story you made up is easy to believe and she may never fully trust you again. For that reason you have to show her that your love is real and she can trust you. Talking about marriage right now is not the route to go. You have to get back on common ground first and take it from there.

 

I would suggest calling her up and asking her to dinner. If she says no, tell her you only wish to talk and after that if she still wants it to be over you will respect her decision. At dinner explain to her what happened, be honest now is not the time to play macho. Let her know how you feel about her and how sorry you are for your mistake. Tell her you still love her and want to marry her but you can understand why she is hesitant after what you did. Ask her if she would at least consider going back to dating and go from there. Getting your foot in the door is the best route, right now she may not be ok with the idea of marriage..........but if she still loves you she may consider dating as a feasible option.

 

If she consents to dating you, then now is the time to show her that you are serious and love only her. I know romance seems silly.......but to a girl romance is a big part of a relationship. Shower her with attention and love. Send flowers to her place of work or around her family. The reason is because women tend to become the center of attention when they get flowers and this makes them feel loved. Send candy and teddy bears if you can as well. When you take her out make sure you treat her like a lady. Opening doors for her and always putting her first. A well loved women tends to forgive twice as fast for little mistakes.

 

I would not suggest proposing again until you have been dating at least 6 months unless she mentions it. This will give her time to see that you are serious and love her. Though a word to the wise, just because you are young does not mean this marriage can not work. I would suggest waiting a while but in the end it is your choice. The biggest key to marriage is give and take.....you both must give and take equally or there will be resentment. Always remember that while love will carry your marriage along you must still work at it. Always treat her like the women you love and never forget that she needs reassurances of your love. All to often we tend to forget to do the little things that brighten a womens day. Flowers for no reason other then to say I Love you and always try to consider her needs as well. Being a wife is just as hard as being a husband so when things get hard and you feel like there are troubles always keep in mind that she is weathering the storm as well........the key is to weather the storm together.

 

Walter

Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11,528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11,528
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