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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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Hello I am 18 years old and my girlfriend and were going out

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Hello I am 18 years old and my girlfriend and were going out for a little over 2 years before this weekend. She recently moved about 30 miles away from here and told me that she needed a break to figure her life and everything out. What I do not understand is she says she feels the same for me and loves me still but she will not let me go up there and see her. Our relationship before this weekend was great, we would spend nearly everyday together and always had fun. With that said I am in utter shock from this and don't understand what she means.                                                                                             Thanks, Kyle
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:


-What is her age?


-Why did she move 30 miles away?


-You didn't have an argument or fight before she left?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
She is also 18 only a few months older than me. She moved to attend a state university and I am staying here to go to a junior college. When she moved up there we were doing fine, we stayed in touch with each other and I thought everything was great. Then she said that she needs time to get everything figured out but I'm just confused why she needs this time without me when I was able to help her through her problems before. Since all this happened I told her that I could go up there and we can talk things over but her response is that she cannot see me and does not know how to explain why.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.


It could be the fact that you both were 16 years old when you started dating, she may feel that she didn't get to enjoy her teenage years and now that she is away at college she wants to have fun and not worry about a relationship right now or it could also be that she is interested in someone there and doesn't want to hurt you, have you asked her if she has someone else there or is interested in someone else there at the school? She may feel that being in a relationship with you may deter her from having fun because she will feel guilty having fun without you there. If you go there without letting her know she may get angry and it may be over for good respect her wishes that she cannot see you right now and allow her this time to figure things out, it doesn't mean you can't call and check up on her and ask her how she is doing but still give her the space to decide what she wants from the relationship and life.


She may also be thinking that you've dated for two years and still no real commitment that the relationship is at a stand still or that you are in college and may find someone else and then hurt her and she may be thinking that she will break up with you before you have a chance to break up with her. When teenagers go to college they sometime tend to grow apart the more time they are apart. Long distance relationship are hard enough and it takes a really strong relationship to be able to carry on a long distance relationship without losing trust and wonder if they are being faithful. Maybe she is afraid that you will out grow her and move on without her.


The only way you are going to get answer to all of your questions is to talk to her when she is ready to talk and since she didn't give you a time when she will be ready you may never find out why she cooled things off between the two of you, what you could do is sit down and write her a letter explaining your feelings and the questions you want answered and ask her to please give you a call or write you back and answer your questions when she is ready to do so and also include that she owes you that much because she broke off a two year relationship without there being any issues that you knew of and that you are stunned that she broke it off with you as soon as she started college. Tell her that all you want is answers to why and what happened from the time she left until she called it off with you.


You won't be able to get rid of the hurt until you get the answers that you need and if she isn't willing to give you that you may want to think about getting some counseling to deal with the pain. Try not to dwell too much on what you could have done wrong it may not have been you it may be her and the fact that she wants to have fun while in college, try hanging out with friend and keeping busy so that you don't dwell on the break up too much, time is the only thing that heals a broken heart give yourself time to get over this hurt and keep busy with whatever hobbies you like doing with friends that you trust to be there for you through your ups and downs but seriously think about getting some counseling if you even have to talk to a guidance counselor at the college that you attend, don't try to get over this alone it may send you into a deeper funk than you already are in and could lead to depression.

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