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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Hi - I was hoping to ask Chase a question!! After I was

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Hi - I was hoping to ask Chase a question!!     After I was a big -LAME-O and thought my husband was gay I realize it may be me. Why is it i get the urge to want to cheat on my husband. I love this man to the moon and back and then some but, why these thoughts?? It scares me. He is a wonderful man and husband and yea, we are opposite but, I don't want anyone else so why these urges??? He used to be major affectionate and that died a little and we have only been married a year and together 2 previous to that. I'm lost.
Hello Carieann,

Thank you for requesting me, it would be my pleasure to help if I can. Let me ask you a few questions.

When you say you get the urge to cheat, is it with specific men, or you just generally feel a desire for someone else? Can you explain it to me more?

Have you talked about the lack of affection to him?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I just get the desire for someone else. Yes, I told him that I miss how he was when we were "dating" and sometimes on certain days (usually time of the month) I want more attention. He just asks me why? Then i just say forget it.   I am not asking him to take me out every night or flowers, chocolate and crap just once in a while just for him to ask me how my day was? Or tell me I look nice. When we are "intimate" it is Fabulous! Just sometimes hearing things feels good too.   Then I think may I am the one who is expecting too much! I bet if he was TOO affectionate I would say he is needy?!? I'm a mess aren't I? HAHHA

We all have out little 'things', and there's nothing wrong with wanting more affection, or wanting things to be the way the used to be. Sometimes when we are in a relationship for a certain amount of time, we become complacent and forget that all of those little things that used to make us feel good or that we did to make our mate feel good, need to be kept up to keep the fire alive. The bad thing is sometimes we realize it too late, or we find ourselves longing for something 'more' and thats where the cheating can come in.

I would start off by turning the tables and giving him a little more attention. Say little things like, I like how that shirt looks on you, or you look very handsome baby. Maybe take a moment to tuck a little note in his bag about the erotic dream you had about him last night. If you're not going out on 'dates' like when you first me, maybe you need to do that as well, or make appointments with each other to give one another a massage. Run him a bath one night and sit with him and wash his back, or climb in the shower with him. You have to let him know what you want and what you need.....if he loves you, he should respond to these things. Too affectionate is one thing, but it never hurts to have a little more love and affection in your life, it's not too much to ask for.

Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Thank you

You're very welcome. I'm available anytime you want to talk.