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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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hello, I think i may be paranoid but, how can i tell if

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hello,   I think i may be paranoid but, how can i tell if my husband may be gay?   He talks about his friend he works with once and a while and recently while watching TV a commercial for viagra came on and it mentions something about having a constant erection and he said his friend was telling him he is on an anti depressant & it causes him to have an erection for up to an hour and i just felt odd they would even discuss that? for women it is different. I just can't shake this feeling!   am i being a nervous nelly for nothing?
Hello Carieann

How long have you been with your husband?

What are your ages?

Has he ever mentioned anything else about this guy?

Anything else causing suspicion?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: together total of 3 years ( dated 2 marrired 1)
I'm 32 & he is 35
has not mentioned much of anything else. Just the basic stuff such as was married, has a daughter, has dating problems... been single for some time and he has history of being depressed. I don't think this guy has any friends so maybe he is just confiding in my husband? But, he has a sister! can't he confide in her?? Sex is not as often as we used to do! maybe once a week! but, i intiate it!   I am thinking maybe the novelity is just not there as it was when we first met.    I honestly think maybe I just am worrying to much. It is my nature. sorry!
Hello Carieann,

I don't think it's anything to worry about. First of all, guys don't talk to their sisters about sex. However guys DO talk to each other about sex, and women, and girls, etc. It's not abnormal for one guy to mention this to another guy, even as an offhand remark. I think some guys like to talk about their penises (smile) and if there was something that gives a guy a hard on, trust me, he's going to get the news out. It's not uncommon for sex to wan after a few years, but once a week is still pretty good, it's when it goes to every few months that you have to be concerned. What a lot of people don't realize is that relationships and marriage is work, and if you want the sex to stay hot, you have to put in the work to make it hot. If you want more sex, then think about how things were when you first met and try and recreate some of that. If you want some links on how to spice up your sex life, let me know. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Does make sense. I really don't feel being married is any different other then my name change. Just hard to keep the stress of other things going on not get to either one of us. My husband is very quiet and does not like to fight or argue and trust me I AM VERY LUCKY!!!! to have him considering my past relationships. But, a part of me worries that when something is really wrong he will never speak up. I keep asking him if he is OK or happy and that is just stupid of me I know. This sounds sick but, I am use to having disfunction in my life that I actually think I keep looking for it. How do I relax? Or is this to deep that I need outside counseling? I just don't have the time and in one day you have given more feedback then anyone to be honest.

I'm glad I can help, really. You are right that when we become used to having dysfunction in our lives, we can lose our ability to function when it's absent. Counseling wouldn't hurt, if you could manage it, it can teach you ways of coping with stress and irrational fears. Relaxing has a lot to do with communicating with your husband, for example, when your husband mentioned what his friend said, you could have asked him "what would make him tell someone that?" and see what your husband says. Don't react in an irrational way (like asking if he's gay), but do ask other questions pertaining to the subject (without making it seem like you are grilling him). It sounds like you might also want to spend time getting to know each other better. Even though you've been together 3 years, it sounds like the communication could be improved. Although he's quiet, he will have a conversation with you, right? I have a list of over 300 questions that you can ask someone to get to know them better, let me know if you want me to post it. Also, anytime you need to talk you can drop me a line here. Just put my name in the subject line.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
yes, we have conversations all the time. The more I talk about this the more I think I just need to stop being a worry wort and enjoy my husband!!    He is very good to me, would do anything for me. He is just reserved laid back and I am the in your face type! I would LOVE the list of questions!
Thank you for your help. It is nice to have someone available to talk to other then friends and family .. sometimes they tend to judge to much!
Give me two seconds and I will post the list. brb


I keep saying I'm going to add more questions to make it 365, one for each day of the year. :)

  1. What is your strongest feeling today?
  2. What is the best thing about today?
  3. What things do you think have changed about you since you started school?
  4. What is the most difficult situation facing you right now?
  5. What did you most look forward to today?
  6. What is your biggest challenge right now?
  7. What is your dream for tomorrow?
  8. Are there any feelings you have not shared with me?
  9. Is there anything you feel you need forgivness for?
  10. What is the center of your life today?
  11. What is the most vulnerable thing you could share?
  12. What do you most need to take responsibility for?
  13. What attitude are you struggling most with?
  14. How is your love life?
  15. In what areas do you feel vulnerable?
  16. What are you grateful for?
  17. When was the last time you really laughed?
  18. What was the silliest thing you ever did?
  19. What effect does music have on you?
  20. How would I describe you to a blind person?
  21. How are you like the weather?
  22. What is your favorite time of year? Why?
  23. Your favorite time of day is?
  24. What was the nicest thing someone did for you?
  25. Do you believe in heaven? How would you describe it?
  26. If you could travel in time, you would...?
  27. What weeds are growing in your life?
  28. Do you believe in miracles?
  29. What do you think about the line "can't buy me love"?
  30. What goodness do you see in yourself?
  31. What is your most prized possession?
  32. If loving you were like eating candy, would I be fat?
  33. When was the last time you were really "outrageous"?
  34. If you were in a Circus Act, you would be...?
  35. If you were an animal, you'd choose to be a....?
  36. Today was like a game of ..........?
  37. What will you be doing when you're are 80?
  38. Your favorite dessert is.....?
  39. If you could go anywhere for a romantic weekend?
  40. Favorite sport?
  41. When was the last time you acted like a little kid?
  42. What kitchen appliance are you most like?
  43. All you want for Christmas is.....?
  44. When was the last time you laughed at yourself?
  45. Favorite flavor of ice cream?
  46. Favorite flower?
  47. Favorite part of your body is.....?
  48. Your hero? Describe.
  49. What can you do better than a Swiss Army Knife?
  50. What cartoon character are you most like?
  51. What could you get an Oscar for?
  52. What is your favorite childhood birthday party memory?
  53. If you could try a new job for one day, you'd try _______________?
  54. What chess piece do you remind yourself of?
  55. Describe the ideal picnic?
  56. If you were President for a day you'd?
  57. What actions/things/behaviors is life-giving to you?
  58. How do you feel about change?
  59. How do you feel about the expression "Bloom where you're planted"?
  60. how do you feel when you see a new baby?
  61. How do you view abortion?
  62. how do you feel about contraception?
  63. what size family do you want?
  64. Are you choosing the direction of your life, or is your life directing you?
  65. Are you taking care of your body?
  66. are you growing or standing still right now?
  67. What in your life is life-draining?
  68. When is the last time you forgave someone?
  69. When is the last time someone forgave you?
  70. Does love mean you never have to say you're sorry?
  71. When was a time someone touched your life?
  72. the amount of time you spend watching TV?
  73. Where do you spend most of your energy each day?
  74. The time I feel most alive is _________?
  75. HDYFA adopting a child?
  76. HDYFA being a step-parent?
  77. HDYFA being a foster parent?
  78. HDYFA taking a parent into your home and caring for him or her?
  79. HDYFA your mother?
  80. HDYFA your father?
  81. HDYF when you hear yourself say things your mother or father said?
  82. HDYF when a child disobeys?
  83. HDYFA spanking?
  84. HDYFA yelling?
  85. HDYFA rewarding good behavior?
  86. How are you like your mother?
  87. How are you like your father? HDIFAMA?
  88. Do you believe children should be seen and not heard?
  89. What are your best qualities as a parent?
  90. What is your attitude toward discipline?
  91. What was your most exciting feeling today?
  92. What was the most meaningful experience that I had today?
  93. HDYFA being unforgiving?
  94. HDYF being unforgiven?
  95. HDYF when someone in your family helps you?
  96. HDYF when a friend helps you?
  97. HDYF when you receive a compliment from someone in your family?
  98. HDYF when you receive a compliment from someone outside your family?
  99. What is the meaning of Christmas to you?
  100. What is the meaning of Easter to you?
  101. What is the meaning of Thanksgiving to you?
  102. What is the meaning of your birthday to you?
  103. What is your best quality?
  104. What do I like best about your family?
  105. How do I feel when I am asked to cut back or do without?
  106. What is the most important thing that happened to you this week?
  107. What are a few things you would like to do with your family?
  108. What do you want most out of life and why?
  109. What do I like to do best alone?
  110. What is the possession you have that you like best?
  111. What are you most thankful for?
  112. What has someone done for you today that you am most grateful for?
  113. Do you tend to see the blessings or the curses in life?
  114. Do you believe life owes you?
  115. Are you content in my circumstances?
  116. HDYF about celebrating Thanksgiving with the hungry or homeless or lonely?
  117. Do you like to attend Mass/church on Thanksgiving?
  118. Do I see yourself owing your employer, or your employer owing you?
  119. Do I think life has been unfair to you?
  120. What have you most taken for granted?
  121. Is it easier for you to give or to receive?
  122. Would you rather celebrate Thanksgiving at home or a relative's home?
  123. HDYF when you get sick during the holidays?
  124. HDYFA Santa Claus?
  125. What is your favorite Christmas tradition?
  126. What is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas?
  127. What do you think about when you hear the word Christmas?
  128. HDYF when I see Christmas displays in October?
  129. Do you like to sing Christmas carols?
  130. If I had only one gift to give you this Christmas, what would it be?
  131. HDYFA inviting a lonely person or single parent into your home to celebrate Christmas?
  132. HDYFA the politically correct rules of not calling Christmas occasions Christmas occasions, but holiday parties, etc?
  133. HDYFA receiving Christmas cards?
  134. HDYFA Christmas lights?
  135. HDYF when I see the once-a-year Christians/Catholics crowding the church on Christmas?
  136. What are your goals for the coming year?
  137. What would you like most to change about yourself?
  138. How do you like to celebrate New Years' Eve?
  139. What your fondest memory of last year?
  140. What is your deepest regret of last year?
  141. What is your deepest hope for next year?
  142. Do you have a favorite New Years Day tradition?
  143. Are you excited about your future?
  144. What attitude do you want to change in yourself? HDYFA changing that attitude?
  145. Do you expect to have a happy new year?
  146. What can you do to enrich your relationship with others?
  147. What is a meaningful sacrifice for you to make that will enrich your spiritual life?
    HWYFA making this sacrifice?
  148. God already knows your heart. HDYFAT?
  149. HDYF when you hear the psalm, "My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?"
  150. How will you celebrate Easter?
  151. What are your feelings about the Easter bunny?
  152. What are your feelings about having an egg hunt for the kids?
  153. Do you believe good will triumph over evil?
  154. Do you believe the dead are in a better place?
  155. Did you feel special growing up as a child?
  156. How do you feel now, looking back at your childhood?
  157. What makes you special?
  158. Do you have a poor self-worth?
  159. Who are the people who lift you up?
  160. What friends help you see your goodness?
  161. How does it affect you when you see a couple hurting but willing to work through their troubles?
  162. What do you long for in the depths of your being? Describe feelings.
  163. What are your longings and yearnings for you and your relationships with people? Describe feelings.
  164. How do you live out the passion of you relationships? (Saying "no" to self in order to say "yes" to another).
  165. When you feel distant and uninvolved, what are the challenges to do something about it?
  166. When was the last time you took responsibility for poor self-worth?
    What did you do to overcome it?
  167. What do you like best about yourself?
  168. What do you have to offer the world?
  169. What do you do when you doubt?
  170. Who can you go to when you need to be lifted up?
  171. Are you holding onto any resentment, bitterness or anger?
  172. Choose one area/incident.
  173. How do you feel about this issue/area (get past the anger to the hurt or fear)?
  174. Are you willing to release yourself from anger and forgive?
  175. Are you holding onto any resentint, bitterness or anger toward your mother?
    Choose one area/incident.
  176. How do you feel about this issue/area (get past the anger to the hurt or fear)?
  177. Are you willing to release her from your anger and forgive her?
  178. Are you holding onto any resentment, bitterness or anger toward your father?
    Choose one area/incident.
  179. How do you feel about this issue/area (get past the anger to the hurt or fear)?
  180. Are you willing to release him from your anger and forgive him?
  181. Are you holding onto any resentint, bitterness or anger toward you child?
    Choose one area/incident.
  182. How do you feel about this issue/area (get past the anger to the hurt or fear)?
  183. Are you willing to release him/her from your anger and forgive him/her?
  184. Are you holding onto any resentint, bitterness or anger toward any other person or entity? Choose one area/incident.
  185. How do you feel about this issue/area (get past the anger to the hurt or fear)?
  186. Are you willing to release him/her/it from your anger and forgive him/her/it?
  187. Does your negative or positive self-image affect you in being life-giving?
  188. How do you feel when you criticize? are criticized?
  189. What does "being open" mean to you?
  190. What quality in people do you admire the most?
  191. When have you felt the most loved? (this week, this year, ever)
  192. What does "trust" mean to you?
  193. What do you think your greatest strength is?
  194. What do you think your greatest weakness is?
  195. What is one thing that makes you feel loved?
  196. Describe how you feel when that happens.
  197. HDYFA hugging?
  198. If you could change one thing about yourself, it would be _____________?
  199. The time you feel most alive is ____________.
  200. What are positive signs of growth you see in yourself?
  201. HDYFA your possessions?.
  202. What are your attitudes about money?
  203. HDYF when you want something you can't afford?
  204. HDYFA your death?
  205. HDYFA the death of your parents?
  206. Death frightens you (or not). HDIFAT?
  207. HDYFA living today knowing you are not guaranteed tomorrow?
  208. HDYFA your lifestyle?
  209. HDYFA your diet?
  210. HDYF when you are swamped with responsibility?
  211. HDYFA a vacation?
  212. HDYFA your health?
  213. HDYFA your privacy?
  214. What is your fondest memory of courtship? HDTMMF? (How does this make you feel)
  215. Do you think a sexual relationship affects the whole relationship?
  216. What's your favorite song? Color? Animal? Place? Food?
  217. Romance is a decision. HDIFAT?
  218. HDYF when your gift of help, or friendship, is refused?
  219. HDYF about birth control?
  220. HDYF about adoption?
  221. What is the most sensitive part of your body?
  222. HDYFA your attractiveness?
  223. Do you fear intimacy?
  224. What things do you find attractive about someone?
  225. What do you feel most inadequate about in sex?
  226. What were/are your expectations in your sexual relationships?
  227. What puts you in the mood?
  228. What gets you out of the mood?
  229. HDYFA telling what you like or don't like?
  230. HDYF about kissing in public?
  231. HDYF about holding hands in public?
  232. HDYFA laughing during lovemaking?
  233. HDYFA talking during lovemaking?
  234. Do you believe romance is a sign of weakness?
  235. Do you see romance as foreplay?
  236. Do you see a time as being too old for romance?
  237. What sexual baggage are you dealing with?
  238. Is sex good or bad?
  239. Do you worry about being taken for granted?
  240. Does Romance = Sex?
  241. Do you believe that making love after an argument or misunderstanding is an easy way out?
  242. Are you more or less affectionate than your parents? HDYFAT?
  243. Do you keep score? (When you be nice to me, I'll be nice to you.)?
  244. Are you a romantic?
  245. Are you afraid of change?
  246. HDYFA receiving flowers?
  247. What makes you feel degraded?
  248. When was the last time you gazed at a sunset, sunrise or starry night?
  249. HDYFA being tickled?
  250. HDYF about fantasies?
  251. What kind of failure disturbs you most?
  252. What quality of yours do you most admire?
  253. Do you feel you have to act a certain way so that others will accept you?
  254. What do you do in a group of strangers to be accepted?
  255. Looking back over your year/month/day, what act or achieveint makes you feel best about yourself?
  256. What kind of compliment makes you feel good? Describe the feelings.
  257. How do you want others to see you?
  258. What are your best qualities?
  259. What do you do to gain acceptance and profit emotionally?
  260. What roles do you play?
  261. How do you react to compliments?
  262. What kind of criticism distresses you?
  263. What is your greatest compulsion?
  264. When you withdraw into your shell, HDTMYF?
  265. How do you feel when you need to be loved?
  266. HDYF when you give a compliment?
  267. HDYF when you judge yourself inadequate, guilty, or unlovable?
  268. What do you try NOT to be seen as (weak, dumb, frivolous, impractical, etc)?
  269. When do you repress your feelings?
  270. What do you do to get relief from emotional pain when your tired, lonely, angry or hurting?
  271. Do you have any nicknames? HDYFAT?
  272. How does your personality style/mask prevent you from listening your heart and HDTMYF?
  273. Do you believe it is important to be on time?
  274. Do you think life is fair?
  275. Do you like to drop in on people?
  276. Do you like for people to drop in on you? HDYF when it happens?
  277. Do you believe household tasks should be shared?
  278. Do you enjoy being pampered?
  279. HDYF when your the center of attention?
  280. How do you make decisions?
  281. HDYF in a competition?
  282. HDYFA trying new things?
  283. HDYFA being praised or recognized in public?
  284. HDYFA doing routine tasks?
  285. HDYFA change?
  286. HDYF when you have to depend on others?
  287. HDYFA uncertainty?
  288. HDYFA finishing things?
  289. What did your parents praise you most for? HDYF recalling this?
  290. What were your parents most critical about in your childhood? HDYF recalling this?
  291. HDYFA apologizing?
  292. What frustrates you most in working with others?
  293. HDYF when you make a mistake?
  294. Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
  295. HDYF when your criticized or made fun of in public?
  296. HDYF when there is a last minute change of plans?
  297. HDYFA security and stability?
  298. HDYFA a challenge?
  299. HDYF when someone lies to you?
  300. Do you believe in work before play? How does that impact your relationships?
  301. How do you get re-energized?
  302. What do you find relaxing?
  303. Is orderliness important to you? HDYFA a chaotic environment?
  304. Is it more important for you to be liked or to be right?
  305. Where do you generally have an attitude of superiority?
  306. HDYF when no one notices something you put a lot of work into?
  307. Do you want to fit in or stand out?
  308. Do you have unresolved issues?
  309. HDYFA being accountable to someone else?
  310. HDYF when someone asks you to share?
  311. How important is physical affection to you?
  312. HDYFA confrontation?
  313. HDYFA sacrifice?
  314. HDYFA traditions?
  315. HDYF when people disagree with you?
  316. HDYFA learning new things?
  317. HDYF when you have a deadline?
  318. HDYF when your decisions are questioned?
  319. Do you make lists?
  320. HDYF when you're late?
  321. Do you tend to see things in black and white or shades of gray?
  322. Do you prefer to be alone/with 2 or 3 close friends/in a small group, or at a huge gathering?
  323. HDYFA parades?
  324. HDYF when people change the rules?
  325. HDYFA learning another language?
  326. Do you need to learn how to manage money better?
  327. One thing I've always wanted to learn is _______________?
  328. I would love to take a class on _________________?
  329. Do you want to go back to school?
  330. Are you growing and learning?
  331. When you reflect back on the grades you got in school, HDYF?
  332. What have you learned about yourself in the past week/month/year?
  333. If I could do any other job than the one I'm doing, I would do ____________?
  334. HDYFA volunteer work?
  335. HDYFA paying taxes?
  336. Are you using your potential?
  337. How do I feel about ir/ir promotion potential?
  338. HDIFA being your own boss?
  339. Do you prefer to be an employee, an employer, or neither?
  340. HDIFA hiring help with housework/childcare/etc?
  341. What unique qualities do you bring to your workplace?
  342. Who do you most owe or are indebted to?
  343. What grudges do you hold?
  344. What makes it hardest for you to live with?
  345. Where do you trust others more than you trust yourself?
  346. What would you most like i to change?
  347. Where do you tip-toe around i?
  348. What are you most likely to fight about? (Is this ever going to change?)
  349. What most turns you "on" sexually?
  350. What tricks do you use to get your way?
  351. Who controls the mood in your house? The conversation? The bed?
  352. What do you most take for granted?
  353. Who do you feel superior to?
  354. What will people say about you at your wake?

Let me know if you want to talk more