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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 21419
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Hi I am hoping you can help me . Am currently in a ...

Customer Question

Hi I am hoping you can help me . Am currently in a relationship with a man who i feel has become a bit obsessed with me . It has now got to the stage where i want to end it but am afraid as to how he will react . Things have been tough for me recently . Am going through a divorce and a while ago he lent me some money. Obviously am willing to pay it back but am worried if i tell him i want to end it he will demand the money back straight away.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 9 years ago.

If you have no written agreement stating when you will pay the money back, I wouldn't worry about that, now.

It might be a good idea to not end it abruptly, but start slowing down in how often you see him, and if he's the jealous type, tell him you can't get together due to work constraints, or getting together with some friends you haven't seen in a while, demands of family, etc., without giving too many details. Always keep it light and friendly and if he expresses anger or accuses you of not wanting to be with him, just keep stating that it's situations that are out of your control, and obligations you must take care of.

After a couple of weeks, not seeing him/speaking to him on such a steady basis, you can tell him that you just feel this isn't working out as you'd hoped, and you won't be able to see him anymore. If he asks, tell him that there's no one else, that's not the issue at all. If he says anything about the money, tell him that you will pay it back as soon as you're able, and if you can, start making small payments to him. If you can avoid seeing him to make the payments (if you're not paying in cash, but with checks or money orders), mail them to him, or leave them at his office, when you know he won't be there, if this is possible.

If he continues to call you or badger you to see him again, be strong, and tell him firmly, but not in a nasty manner, that you've made your decision to move in a different direction with your life, and it just won't be possible to see him any more; you explained this to him and in no way meant to hurt his feelings, you appreciated his help, but this is just how it has to be. If he threatens you or you feel he might get violent over this, definitely call your local police and ask what you can do to prevent him from taking action on his threats.

You can also try changing your phone number, email, etc., and/or any other way he can contact you.

Continue to be firm, yet unemotional, when you speak with him, and make an effort to pay him back ASAP, so you'll not have to have contact with him at all, after the complete amount is repaid.

I hope things work out well for you, and please let me know if you would like to discuss this further.

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Hi thanks for your answer. I did send him an email confirming that i would pay back the money but did not stipulate a date. The reason i did this is because at the time i was appreciative of the help and i would have paid it back any way. My intention is to start paying back this month as this is my first full month of full time employment since my split from my husband . Do you think this is ok? Thanks for your help . I almost think that me paying the money back to him and having a relationship with him are 2 entirely different things. Do you agree?
Expert:  Cher replied 9 years ago.
Hello again, Angela, and you're most welcome. Thanks very much for your reply and your accept.

Yes, I agree completely with your thinking that your relationship with him and your owing him money are two completely separate issues.

I'm glad you're now working full time and will able to begin paying him back. I know that once you have the entire amount paid back to him, you'll rest more easily and feel less 'obligated' to continue the relationship, or less 'guilty', telling him you don't want to continue the relationship. But, since they ARE two completely separate issues, don't feel obligated to keep seeing him before your debt is completely paid.

I hope everything works out well for you, and please let me know if you would like to discuss this further. Be strong! I wish you much good luck!