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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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my husbands best friend is a girl he has known since

Customer Question

my husband's best friend is a girl he has known since high school. She is a needy type and he just adores her. They became kind of normal a yesr before we got married but lately he told her on the phone in front of me that she can call whenever/ whereever and he would be there for her and that his marriage doesn't interfere with her calling him when she needs him. I feel that this is unacceptable and he just says '' i just wanna be there for my friends''. its interesting that i cant interfere in thier relationship but she can interefere in ours and thats okay with him please give me some advice. now that he's given her his policy he cant take it back but it upsets me.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you been married?

-Does she call your husband alot or only when she needs him?

-Does your husband always tell you what they have talked about?

-Do you trust your husband?

-Does he tell all of his friend to call him like that?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: Hello ,

We're both 27 and we actually just got married last month. We have been together for four years though. In the begining he was very weird and extremely overprotective of the girl ( best friend).We moved in together and we also had a daughter which changed his life. He expects me to leave the issue alone because he '' doesn't see her very much''.The geography may have changed a little but the way he deals with her really hasn't changed at all. There is always an excuse ( she's drunk , sick , dizzy or has PMS) and he has to be there for her ( she's married too).

anyway sorry back to your questions ... i dont know for sure but i think if a week went by and they didnt talk each of them would find it weird and call. she even calls him at work which he of course answers. he doesn't tell me unless i ask something about her. as for trust its hard because he is trusting and he's great! But when it comes to this girl he has Lied to me and hurt my feelings in an effort to protect her in the past. With the way he talked to her last week '' my marriage doesn't interfere with you message'' I dont think he's chnaged much.

he says he tells all hs friends this but in truth there arent any other friends really except for two guys who hardly ever even come up in talking. sorry to write so much ... one more thing

i dont know how to just forgot how he sweet talked her when we all hang out. and of course he cant take it back now .. plus he meant it.

thank you.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

If it is bothering your marriage then this is a major issues you and your husband have and need to work through it. He isn't showing you much respect if he doesn't put boundaries on how often she calls and where she calls him. You have to tell your husband that you don't appreciate her calling him at work and him not telling you what they've talked about and that if it were as innocent as he makes it out to be he should be able to share with you what they talk about without you having to question him about it. If you let this go it will only continue and possibly get worse. Even though they are both married there is a line that you do not cross as friends and that is making the spouses feel uneasy about what kind of relationship they have.

She should be able to go to her husband if she is married instead of relying so much on your husband and it is your right as his wife to tell him these things and tell him you just don't like the type of relationship they have. Tell him you can understand being her shoulder when she needs a friend but that is what a spouse is also and why can't she go to her husband? How does her husband feel about the relationship? If your husband is a great husband then he will totally understand your feelings and want to gradually change how often she calls. Even though he may just be a good friend also he is and has been crossing some martial boundaries that shouldn't be crossed as far as outside influences are concerned and he has to be told that isn't the way a marriage works.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
thank you very much. i think i care too much what she thinks of me. but its because he humiliates me during his talking with her and i guess she knows how important she is to him. Its hard to hang out in groups .. i feel stupid that my guy is also her guy.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

How does he humiliate you when he talks to her is it because he is talking to her at all or does he say things about you that he should be saying to this woman at all? You really need to tell your husband how you are feeling and how his talking to her makes you feel it isn't fair to you to have to sit back and see your husband carry on with this woman the way he should be carrying on with you. Tell him that his relationship with this woman is make you feel inadequate and not as important to him as the other woman is.