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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I have no clue what is going on with my husband and our 6

Customer Question

year marriage. He absolutely tunes me out at any chance he can get. There is only so much one can take before they truly understand "he is tolerating me and is in this only not to have to pay me 1/2 of his large $175,000 income, and then 1/2 of the property. This will be our 6th longest year of marriage. What is with this. He loves going to work and talks to me about all the girls but absolutely will have no conversation of any substance with me. What am I to do. Also, he has lost 20 pounds with about 50 more to go. I believe he is having an emotional affair. I have tremendous gut instincts and so far have been right on all of them. Please assist me.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
Hello Princess,

He talks to you about what girls?

What are your ages?

Is he losing this weight on purpose?

Do you want to split with him?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I would prefer not to leave him. I am a very dedicated loyal wife.

He decided to lose weight and go into the office one hour earlier starting about two month's ago.
48 My age
58 his age
Yes all the women, never any of the guys or the projects. (We met while working there in 2000. We did not marry until I was long gone (2002, from the Company)
He will not as me to go to any corporate events.
I believe he is keeping alot from me.
The silent abuse is what i call it.
or jekyl hyde.
I know I cannot change him but how does one stay marred to such insanity?

Thank you very much
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
did you further add some information for me?
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
sorry I am a bit confused, did you send me some further information? Thank you, Deborah
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
It's not going to be easy. In this situation you can take the laid back approach, dealing with whatever he dishes out, or you can be more confrontational, and not deal with it. Either way, the ending might be the same, but in the latter instance you may feel a little better about yourself. Although you are a devoted wife, the question is, is he a devoted husband? What good is a one sided love? One person cannot hold up an entire relationship, it's like one person trying to carry a sofa, it' near impossible. You have to open up the lines of communication with him....ask him how he feels about your relationship, ask that you spend more time together, if he doesn't invite you to the corporate functions, why not put on a dress and go anyway. Imagine his face if you showed up? Ask yourself, would you stay with him if you knew for a fact he is cheating? Will you be happy if things are this way 5 years from now? If he's distancing himself from you now, and you see him pulling away, then it's possible he may do something to prevent you from getting any money or property. If you talk to him and he's simply unwilling to work things out with you, you may want to start putting something away for yourself to protect yourself financially. If you are determined to stay with him, then you still have to ask for the things you want and desire, he is after all your husband, and you are entitled to spend time with him. What about making a romantic dinner, or planning a trip, do you think he would agree or be involved in that? If it's not something you have tried, it might be something to consider. It at least might give you an idea of whether he's willing to still be involved with you. I would also ask him not to talk to me about women, OR you can tell him about all of the gorgeous men you saw today, and see how he reacts. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I appreciate you helping me with this, because we all know that certain people have relationships with insanity, and doing the same thing over and over again, will produce the same advice/response
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Thank you for your wonderful advice. It is so hard for me as I have allowed him to ruin my family relationships also. My crazy making is that he states he cannot stand supporting a woman. Well the first 1 1/2 years I was tied up because he broke all three ankle bones. Leaving me exremely depressed and tired. His response (get over it). No he is not a person I can trust and say honey we need to talk. He says talking feelings and emotions to him is like having a root canal. So here I am a very nice person caught in what I think is a very abusive trap, and the only thing that is keeping me here is financial poverty, as I have no more friends or family and pretty much he has succeeded in making sure that he has control of everything. Before I met him, I had a very good paying job howeve tryin to raise two boys on it was a struggle. Believe me we have had our struggles, and he says things just to push my buttons. Am I fooling myself. Is he just too immature or want's to look good by me filing or what? He doesn't attend any of my family functions. I have yet to meet his family and they live 5 minutes away. His rsponse, they just grew apart. i don't believe that. I think there is more to the picture. My allowance is $60 a week. wow. I used to take home $40k a year. What is your true analysis given the facts i have told you? Is he nice, OH YES TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I just lost a bunch of information however communication to him is a waste of time. I am having a hard time letting go becuase of financial poverty. I do not let him get physically close to be because his moods turn so fast. I admited to myself that he is just tolerating me, I cannot live like this the rest of my life. Any suggestions to a woman where a man (will not let me out easy)?

True living heck!!
I wouldn't be treated like this by a stranger how come it becomes so much more clear when he states right from his mouth that this relationship is "hopeless" then the next day I am the only one inthe world for him.

Since I voluntarily quit work when my ankle was broken.

So the ultimate question is for Washington State Divorce's they can go through what is known as mediation to keep the costs down, and since I have had little to no income from lack of work outside of his cherished townhome (in his eyes).

Hopefully this will wake some peopleup just don't use my screenname (which I knw is private, but FYI, what internal doctors o speciliss are in your area.

Thank ou again or your loving yet said and done, you hav egiven me more tools to approach him.

Thanks again, Deborah Helm
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
did you answer the most recent one July 30 1:59?
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Thank you for your help. I will accept all of this but wish to expand posibly tomorrrow.

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
Hi Deborah,

I know it's difficult, and not having money makes it look even more bleak.

Did you say that he broke your ankle?

You live 5 min from his family and never met them? Why didn't you ever just get up and go over there? You're his wife right?

Where are your boys?

Have you considered going back to work?



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