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Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I want to start by saying thank you for your help I am lost ...

Customer Question

I want to start by saying thank you for your help I am lost for words right now!! I am 29 yrs. old and am engaged to a man who is 35 years old. We are to get married in January. We were so happy and then something changed it is like he started pushing away from me a little. He still does wonderful things for me but he just wants his space and does not do as much with me. He lays around more now but when his friends want to do something he is up in two seconds most of the time. This hurts my feelings and I don't understand it. I have been very honest with him about my expectations and what I want out of a relationship, he seemed right in tune now he wants my expectations to drop a bit he says. So he asked me if he could go on vacation with his buddies and I said yes b/c I don't want to control him. They went to climb mt. rainer I was told it was a climb. He went and while he was away I felt like he tried to rush me off every phone call. I wanted to talk to him but he had stuf
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you back to ask your question on Just Answer. The other Experts and I are working on your answer. By the way, it would help us to know:

-Which expert are your asking for?

-How long is this vacation?

-Does he still say he wants to get married?

-Do you trust him to stay faithful to you while gone?

-Please let me know if you want Kimberly (Me) or Miss Chase I noticed we both helped you at one time.

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
his vacation was for four days with the guys. What hurt my feelings the most is that last night when I was trying to talk with him he was rushing me off the phone so he could have some drinks with the guys. I think he still wants to get married, he comes home tonight at midnight. I am picking him up from the airport. He did say to me tongight that if I wanted this to last long term that I need to not express my feelings all the time and let some stuff go but that is hard for me to do. He is most of the time good to me so he brings up all the good things he does for me and then says when I get mad at him for doing one thing I don't like he feels like all the good stuff he does does not matter. I think he is faithful to me, I think he is a good guy but easily influenced even though he is 35 years old. I just want him to not act like a bachelor it is like he is trying to have both. Bad thing is that his friends have these kind of relationships were they don't want that much closneess but I am a girl who needs and wants to be close to him. I also don't like that he blames all our arguements on me, he says they are petty and that we should not argue basically not caring about my feelings. I don't understand why he is being this way, scary thing is I think in his mind he is right and he is trying. I do love him I am just lost!!!! either of you can answer you are both great
Thanks again!!!

God we were so happy, this is truly what he wanted he said the sweetest things to me, he was great, why is he doing this now??

Also his new career which I totally support him in b/c I love him involves traveling and I told hm I was ok with that. So now this trip since I am not ok with him rushing me off the phone, he says what are you going to do when I am away on work trips. In my mind they are not the same
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.


I think MsChase is better qualified to help you and give you the answer you need. I will send you to her now. Good Luck!

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hello mrs. chase can you help me??
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

I am sorry for the confusion, I had responded to your other question, but I'm not sure if you saw it, so I'm not sure if it's issues with the site, or what. I apologize again for any confusion, Kim was trying to help, but I think it's the emails or something thats not getting through.

I think that on one hand he may be right. You can't pick the petty things all the time, especially if he's doing a lot of good things. You also can't marry a man expecting that you are going to change him, that's not right either. He is going to be the same man after you marry him, that he is today, nothing will change but his name, just like you will be the same woman. Don't think that getting married will make him act differently or grow up, or whatever it is you want him to do. As women, that's where we set ourselves up to get disappointed. You seem nervous about the whole getting married thing, are you sure it's what you want to do, or that you aren't having second thoughts? If not, then you have to try and relax, some guys like to get everything out of their system before getting married....not saying he should do anything crazy, but hanging out with his friends is an option...these may be the same friends he will keep after he's married so you might want to be prepared. When he travels, you might think that you won't feel the same way, but you might, if he's rushing you or not wanting to be on the phone, you might start getting anxious again.

The botXXXXX XXXXXne is you have to decide if you trust him, or don't trust him. If you trust him, it won't matter if you don't speak for a day because you know he is doing the right thing. If you don't trust him, then you shouldn't marry him. Now if he does something to break that trust, then he has to gain it back, and if he doesn't, you also may want to rethink being with him. Trust is everything, and without it, you'll never be happy with him or anyone else. If this is the man you want to marry, and he's never given you a reason not to trust him, you may have to take a leap of faith. You can't make him miserable because of your insecurities. Now if you feel like he was rushing you, or not keeping in contact with you, then talk to him about it, and say something like "well, baby, I would like it if you could call me once a day (or twice a day) just to check in on me and see how im doing.....but do it when you have a couple of minutes to talk, not when you are rushed because it makes me feel like you don't want to talk to me" and see how he reacts to that. I welcome your thought, let me know if you want to talk more