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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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I have a friend who acted strangely around me and several ...

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I have a friend who acted strangely around me and several other people I know, then cut off contact with all of us. To say what she said and did would take up too much space here, but her actions (including talking about us behind our backs) leave much to be desired. Apparently, she doesn''t understand how to handle relationships. I think maybe it''s her maturity level and her upbringing? What should I say, if anything, if I happen to run into her someplace? Also, I have an odd "habit" of picking up needy people with various idiosyncracies, and I know it takes all kinds to make a world, and some of that cannot be avoided, but I have people who expect everything from me, and don''t seem to want to hang around.   I don''t expect everything to be 50-50 all the time, but I will settle for a little more effort on their end.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long was she your friend?

-Did what she did hurt you?

-Have you seen her since she cut off all ties?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
We are both 45 years old. I have not seen her since she stopped calling (when my dad died in 2005). We knew each other for longer than 5 years, although I don't recall the exact time frame. If you said anything to her about how she does people, she liked to tell you she was right and you were wrong. Several of my other friends who also know her have had bad experiences with her. Her actions are hurtful in that she takes advantage of people and doesn't keep her word. For example, she embarrassed me in front of a group from my church just by the way she acted (corrects me, thinks she knows everything). She also got someone to pay for her dinner in a sneaky way in front of this same group trip during a trip we were on, after
she had been told how much money she needed to bring. Also, I found out she was talking about me behind my back. Then, she started promising me we were going to get together and do stuff, then either put me off or "postponed" at the last minute. She didn't return calls. And when I called her one time, her mother answered and said she wasn't there, but I could hear her talking in the background. Great response, huh?
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
One other thing I forgot to mention: She didn't act this way toward me and my friends when I first met her. She also has a way of really almost smothering people with attention when she first meets them and gets to know them. It's suddenly like she wants to be the center of attention or something.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



If I were I would Thank God that you no longer have to deal with her, I must say I thought that you were going to say she was 20 or something like that but 45 years old is way too old to be immature and treat friends like that sometimes people that are like that end up alone with no one to turn to. I think you should sit down and get your thoughts together as to what you want to say to her and then sit down and write her a long letter this way she can not interrupt you in any way and you will be able to get all you want to say out. Sometimes we can be the best of friends to someone but they are horrible to us and then we wonder why we were friend with that person in the first place.

I really think you should write the letter and then forget about her, she means you no good and doesn't treat the friendship in a give and take way it's more take and take and take. Did you ever hear the saying "One good friend is better than ten fake ones?" She is one of the fake ones, just be glad of the good friendships you have gained and let her stay to herself with no friends. As she gets older instead of maturing she becomes more immature and doesn't like for anyone else to get the attention and no matter what she did she still wasn't the center of attention so she probably got mad and this is why she stopped speaking to you and your friends.

It seems as though she has to self esteem issue and is only justified through other people and not herself. She is a user and if she can't get anything from you she stops being your friend. I would write the letter as a way for closure for you and just enjoy the friend that you do have and who treat you with respect.

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